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In modern days, the number of people who have interests in the environment have increased. There is a growing debate over whether environmental pollution is a personal or an international problems. I totally agree with the opinion that it becomes became a world-wide matters. Some people think that environmental contamination is caused by humans and certain countries. Especially, developing or poor countries contribute to much more bad pollution than developed countries. This is because, when in comes to developing cities or facilities, the countries need to use a lot of resources and a massive amount of energy. Also, people who live in over-populated countries such as China and India have less awareness of environment. The reason is that the government cannot afford to limit the amount of personal or business wastes from humans. Millions of people mainly take motorcycles and run factories for their businesses. It causes release significant carbon dioxide in countries. However, I definitely believe that environmental pollution has a severe effect on our planet. (환경 오염이 지구에 영향을 주는지, 그렇지는 않은지는 전혀 상관이 없습니다. 그저 이러한 문제가 개인적&정부적 차원의 문제인지 혹은 국제적인 차원인지가 중요하죠.) It helps to rise the temperatures of the earth because pollutants affect not only people but also the climate (기온 상승의 경우 부정적, 잘 쳐줘야 중의적인 문맥이기 때문에 help 의 사용은 적절하지 않습니다.). It exacerbates a global warming. For example, High high temperatures cause melting of the polar ice caps and glaciers and there is continuous rain is continued raining in deserts of or Africa. In addition, international organizations encourage (~한다인가요 아니면 ~해야 한다인가요? 문맥상 후자가 적절할 것 같은데, 확인해보시고 필요시 수정해주시는 게 좋을 것 같습니다.) governments to introduce laws to limit emissions from factories and promote campaigns to reduce disposable items in worldwide. By reusing and recycling, people can cut down the existence of greenhouse gases in our atmosphere and should try to develop cleaner alternative energy sources such as solar or wind power. In conclusion, people who are careless about the environments should change their attitude and all countries need to make an effort to decrease pollutions.
바디1이 너무 긴가요..? 아 글쓸때마다 생각이 너무 많아서ㅠㅠ 정리가 잘 안되네요. 하............... 빨리 늘어야 첨삭해주시는 분도 기분이 좋을텐데 매번 발전없는 글을 쓰는것 같아 너무 죄송합니다. 항상 감사합니다. 많이 공부할게요..
A: 바디1 길이는 딱 적정선으로 보시면 될 것 같습니다. 그리고 글을 쓸 때 생각이 많은 건 좋은 겁니다! 그만큼 다양한 근거를 사용할 수 있다는 뜻이거든요~생각이 없는 것보다 백 배는 좋으니까 걱정하시지 않아도 됩니다. 그리고 죄송할 필요 하나도 없고, 저랑 같이 실력을 키워나가면 될 것 같아요 :) |