Some people believe that children under age
10 should be given their own interest subject, while others believe that should
be given regular subjects. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.
The education of
children is always one of the most controversial issues that people like to
debate. Some people argue that young people aged under 10 should learn regular
subjects while others assert that they should be given the subject they want to
study. In this essay, I will discuss both viewpoints and suggest my own view.
Nowadays, many
adults tend to guarantee the opportunity to children to choose the subject
based on their taste and it has a positive effect on the academic performance
of the youth. Studying what they want to learn makes them to improve the interest
in classes and leads to the better grade in examinations. Furthermore, if the
youth concentrate on the specific major since they were young, it prevents them from wasting to waste the time consumed to study other subjects which are not preferable and
encourages children to achieve goals faster as they prepare in the early stage.
Meanwhile, by deciding their learning direction themselves, young people would become
an independent person. (이걸 글에 넣으려면 이 문장에 대한 부연설명도 같이 넣어주셔야합니다. 그래야 깔끔하게 성립해요.)
However, learning teaching subjects focused on interests of students also generates the side effect on children’s
lives. People aged under 10 are too young and have has little barely any abilities to select something
which might have influence on their whole lives. Besides, young people tend to
easily change the preference as they grow up. Furthermore, it is does not suitable
for current trend which requires a person who can encompass all fields. This is
because people who learn according to their interests would become a narrow-minded
person and it results in limited paths when they find a job.
In conclusion, while learning focused on the
interest of children allow them to get a good score in academic performance, I
opine that it makes narrows the youth’s life to narrow and causes an anxiety when they
seek an occupation in the future.
총평: (6/7/7/6) 6.5
표현상 조금씩 다듬어드렸으니까 참고해주세요. 또한 현재 글은 여러 내용을 별다른 설명 없이 짧게 나열만 하는식으로 전개되고 있는데, 이건 설득력의 측면에서 크게 효과를 보기 어렵습니다. 문단 내에 많아도 두 개 정도의 핵심만 남기되, 대신 각각에 대해 구체적으로 부연설명을 하는 전개를 주로 삼아주세요! 수고하셨습니다 :)