When choosing a job, the salary is the most
important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
When people choose their job,
the salary is definitely a significant consideration. It is true that the most of
people want to get paid as much as they can. However, I i personally assume there is are something more important.
There can be various reasons
why people want to get paid good. Some people might want to provide their
family good education or a great house to live. For instance, living in the good neighbourhood in the big cities such as New York that have high prices for rent and foods will even more force them to have a greater job. In addition, practically, if they have a job with not enough salary to live, they can be be struggled by various problems such as too
much debt from the bank. (여기는 대체해주셔야 하는데, 이에 대해서는 총평에서 말씀드리겠습니다.)
However, I personally assume
that the salary is not the most significant factor to consider when choosing a for the job. I agree with the point
that money is important to live, but it is useless if they (문단에 처음 등장하는 대상이 대명사로 작성되어서는 안 됩니다.) don’t (줄임말은 풀어써주세요!) have any time
to spend the money that they save. Most of the works with high salary require
people to work extremely hard, and some of people actually can not even see their
family everyday even though they want to. Moreover, the condition of the work
is important as well. Some of jobs pay people good, but some of them are dangerous.
For instance, people who work at the contracture get averagely higher payment
than other jobs, but the condition or the safety are not good as other works.
In
conclusion, salary is definitely important as the consideration for the job because
money is practically needed for the better lives, however I personally assume
the condition of the works is more significant (본론1도 이 내용으로만 채워주시면 됩니다.) because the money that they have saved can be useless if they are not even provided time to spend.
총평: (6/5/6/6) 6.0
본론 첫 번째 문단과 관련해서는 밑에 넣어드린 링크에 설명이 다 되어있으므로 정독해주시면 되겠습니다. 대비되는 두 의견이 있다고 무조건 양쪽 입장을 다 다루는 게 아니라, 논제가 요구하는 바에 적절히 맞춰갈 수 있어야 함에 주의해주세요! 수고하셨습니다 :)
https://www.gohackers.com/?c=ielts/ielts_info2/ielts_method&p=2&type=url&uid=471212