12.TASK2.TSET8
Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters(such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own whishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affet them.
It is often said that allowing children to
decide their own choices on everyday matters seems to result in a society of
individuals who only think in a selfish way. On the other hand, other people believe
that it is important for children to choose themselves about matters that
affect them. In my opinion, if the children are young, adults or their parents
need to lead them through with various methods.
In a household with young children, parents
will have something to think about how much rights they will give their children. If
adults allow to make their own choices on matters such as food, clothes and
something they have to do, children can feel that they can do anything in the way on a way
they want. Also, they seem to have less judgment when they become old enough to active and decide,
and it can be a problem without parents’ leading, and they need to educate for children’s
behaviors and good habits. It will be a way to the future that children live as
a member of an organization with responsibility. (~를 해결하기 위해서는 어떻게 대처해야할지는 따로 다뤄야하는 사항이 아닙니다. 그냥 일어날 수 있는 단점에 대해서만 언급하고 끝내주시면 돼요.)
Whereas Meanwhile, other people insist that children can
make decisions about important matters that affect to their life. For instance,
when children have something they want to do for their fun or future, their
thoughts may be more important in that situation than other people’s thoughts.
Besides, if parents allow them to decide about some small matters when they are
young, it helps to grow them as an independent person for their future. One of
other reasons is that it makes children to consider themselves deeply. (여기에 대해 부연 설명을 넣지 않을 경우 차라리 빼는 게 낫습니다.)
In conclusion, I believe that parents have to teach and lead them about behaviors or what is better when young children do not know what is correct or wrong.
총평: 일단 다음부터는 논제의 발문도 같이 올려주시는 게 좋습니다. (discuss both~~~ to what extent do you~~ 등등) 이 발문에 따라 작성해야하는 구조가 전혀 달라지므로 꼭 올려주세요~그래야 저도 더 정확히 봐드리고 어느정도의 채점도 해드릴 수 있습니다.
현재 두 본론은 마지막 문장들이 각기 다른 이유로 문제가 있었기 때문에 위에 표시해드린 내용을 참고해서 수정해주시면 되겠습니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)