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The debate over whether or not modern
technology has had positive influences on our society is always heated one.
Some people >> some만 쓰지 말아주세요 argue that our great dependence on modern technology prevents us from becoming
strong and independent, while others argue that modern conveniences invented by
technology help us in many ways. In a personal perspective, I would say that
there are concerns regarding the widespread use of modern technology.
On the one hand>> on one hand 혹은 on the other hand라고 해주세요, it is undeniable that the development
of modern technology has led to increased efficiency and convenience for people
in modern society. Robot-operated machinery in factories, for example, has
increased production rate significantly, leading to greater profit and
competitiveness. The application of robots also can be seen in the households >> the는 특정한 것을 지칭하지만 여기서 나온 household는 통칭 일반적인 가정이므로 복수형을 취해드렸습니다,
with robots being used for cleaning and security systems. In this sense, modern
technology enables humans to live in the more efficient and convenient world.
However, the conveniences of modern life
can be obstacles to one`s growth into a well-rounded individual. Modern technology
is replacing the work that humans used to do, making us being unable to do things>> things라고 모호하게 말하기보단 구체적인 것을 하나 제시하는 것이 좋겠습니다 혹은 뒤에 제시되니 something이라고 한 다음 쓰신대로 뒤에 예를 들어도 좋겠네요
ourselves. As one example, after the introduction of calculators, people do not
attempt simple calculations such as addition and subtraction. This is just one
example of how modern technology makes humans entirely dependent on something
other than themselves. >> 누군가의 말을 인용할 때는 according to를 써주셔야 합니다 Famed Havard biologist Edward Wilson, he views this trend as
detrimental to human beings, which is already becoming less humanized and
increasingly relying on technology. According to>> 이미 앞에 썼으니 from도 좋겠습니다 his recent research, a species
loses its own ability to survive in competing nature when it begins to rely on
other creatures. I thinks this also can be applied to humans.>> I 를 직접 거론하는 것은 좋진 않습니다 general opinions 라고 해주시면 좋겠네요
To conclude, even though there are many positive
and constructive influences that modern technology gives us, I believe that modern
technology does is more harmful than good on our society. Therefore, we always should
be prudent when in developing modern technology.
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Task Achievement - 7 Coherence and Cohesion - 7 Lexical Resource - 7 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
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