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IELTS 캠브릿지8권 Test2 Task2 41분51초
Easy to contact, Going to lonely
As the speed of technology of development is being accelerated, there are a number of changes on our lives. Especially in relationship between people, the effect of Information Technology technology is crucial especially between relationships.
Long time ago, our ancestors had to communicate each other with face-to-face interaction. After improving alphabets, they could contact to others in letter. And >> and but also so or 다섯 접속사는 문두에 쓰지 않습니다 that is still useful communicating measures. Electricity was found and the technology was going on evolved, people could hear others' voice with non face-to-face contact. That was, telephone, considered to ‘the Revolution’ in that period. >> For example, mobile phones was considered as the revolution. However, nowadays, the trend is going to return the text >> 무슨 뜻인진 알겠지만 사람들이 문자를 하며 관계를 유지해나간다 라는 내용이 오는게 좋겠네요, even it is not written on the paper, but on the screen.
The development of IT technology Information Technology, especially computer networks and smart phones would open the season that everyone could contact with other people just in their house or bus stops >> 문장이 너무 깁니다 중간에 끊어주시길 바랍니다. For example, Facebook which is one of the most popular social network services is so universal that anyone could find and contact not only their friends but also acquaintances.>> 이 문장 역시 길게 느껴집니다 Therefore, it is very easy to contact with someone and say how are you in now. However, this tendency contributes to make more easy-contact relationship than the deep one. Thus, ironically, people might feel lonely more than in the past, although they always find and contact with >> 앞에 썼던 동사들과 비슷해서 match to로 바꿔주시는게 좋겠네요 people’s attention. It shows technology’s other side effects that people feel uncomfortable in deep and serious relationship. That is because it is hard to know and understand others' real mind through online >> 가운데 - 빼주세요 communities.
In conclusion, there are both positive and negative outcomes on communicating with high-tech pursuits. It is more easier comparing to the past, but without heart-touching communication. Therefore, people should control their communicating measures in some cases. Sometimes, the conventional letter is better than text messages.
전반적으로 문장이 길게 작성되는 경향이 있습니다 동사도 다양하게 써주시는 것이 좋구요 스펠링이나 형용사 꼴을 만들어주시는 것에 신경써주시길 바랍니다 다시 한 번 읽으신 후 전체적인 흐름을 다시 보고 생각을 정리해보시길 바랍니다 Task Achievement - 7 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6 6.0 예상합니다 - 문법이나 문장에 조금 더 신경을 써주신다면 6.5 가능한 글이라고 봅니다
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