▶ Your Answer : The line graph shows that the volume of fuel, food, and manufactured goods and the total rate of exports in one country during for >> 뒤에 어떤 숫자처럼 정확하게 나타내는건 for during 은 막연한 어떤 기간 예를 들면 during the festival 같이 씁니다 6 years.
According to the first graph, the total exported rate was gradually increased gradually for the last four years. On the other hand, the rate was dropping down from 2000 to 2002 >> except the two years from 2000 to 2002. However, after this decreasing situation, the value of export became better higher,>> 콤마 빼주세요 and the total rate in 2005 was nearly 450,000 million dollars >> 오버뷰 목적이라면 수치는 안 쓰는게 맞습니다 가장 높았다면 reach a peak 이란 구절 쓰시는 등 해주세요.
In addition, in the next graph, we can see the comparison among the three categories-food, manufactured goods, and fuel. To be specific, the value of food did not illustrate significant changes during for 6 years. In the mean time, the benefit of manufactured goods became higher from 180,000 to 250,000 million dollars from 2000 to 2001. However, that rate scarcely maintained scarcely one year, and then it declined. While the dramatical changes in case of fuel. Despite the two types of exports, the fuel rate shows a rapid decrease between 2000 and 2005, nearly 500,000 and 200, 000 million dollars,>> 콤마 빼주세요 respectively.
오버뷰도 아니고 디테일도 아닌거처럼 작성됐습니다 디테일 부분에선 정작 디테일한 문장이 두 문장 나왔습니다 문장 진행도 이상하구요
서론 - 본론 1 (오버뷰) - 본론2 (디테일) 을 두고 쓴 글로 생각됩니다만 원하시는 대로 작성도 안 됐고 전달도 안 된 듯 싶습니다 디테일 부분에선 오르면 얼마나 오르고 떨어지면 얼마나 떨어지던가 어디까지 떨어졌다는 등의 수치가 항상 나와줘야 합니다
Task Achievement - 5 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
5.0 예상합니다 |