▶ Your Answer :
The pie charts graphs indicate the expenditure of UK British schools on the specific date which are in 1981, 1991 and 2001.
To begin with, the common trend of each period was that the plurality of expense was used for the teachers` salaries. In those periods, the insurance was a kind of minor factor rather than others >> 이런 내용은 오버뷰입니다 오버뷰는 본론입니다. in 1981, the UK schools mainly spent mainly their capital budget for teachers` salary. The next most highest expense was for other workers to provide their salary. Compared to expense of teachers` salary, almost one third as much expense of it was used for buying resources, furniture, and equipment, recorded 15 percent respectively. In 1991, the expense spending trend was comparatively similar to 1881`s it. >>?? However, the outstanding variation was that the expense of teachers' salary increased to one half of the whole expense in 1991, and the expense for purchasing furniture and equipment decreased from 15 percent to 5 percent.>> 보시면 salary 만 본론 전체 11 줄 중 5~6 줄 가량을 차지하고 있습니다 아무리 큰 부분이라지만 이 정도로 많이 언급하시는건 좋지 않습니다 단어도 계속 salary에 국한돼 좋지 않고 한 번 salary에 언급했으면 모두 묶어서 2~3줄 내에서 정리시키는게 좋습니다 In 2001, there was some fluctuating, compared to 1991. The number of expenses for school facilities increased by 18 percent, compared to 1991. In contrast, the UK schools considerably reduced considerably the expense of purchasing resources in 2001.>> insurance 에 대한 디테일은 전혀 없습니다
In conclusion, from those charts, we can it is seen that the spending trends are quite similar for each period, even though there were with tiny changes.>> 작은 변화들이 있음에도 불구하고 각각의 기간은 비슷한 경향을 보였다 당연히 작은 변화들이 있으니 비슷한 경향을 보이는거죠 그게 even though 로 표현될게 아닙니다
단어수 조금만 더 줄여주세요 200자 좀 넘습니다 너무 한 쪽에만 치우쳐진 의견이 보입니다 Task1 그래프는 잠깐 봐도 굉장히 잘 보이는 것들을 언급해야 합니다 1. 가장 큰 것 2. 둘 째로 큰 것 3. 가장 작은 것 4. 비교할 것(선생님들 월급이 other workers' salary, furniture, recources의 합과 비슷하네요, other worker's one 보다 3배 가량 높은 선생님들 월급도 있구요) 이런 것들을 주로 하는 것이 주된 분석과 비교입니다 참고해주시고 Task1 같은 주제나 다른 주제로 더 작성해주시길 바랍니다 어휘력도 늘리고 동시에 문법도 공부해보시길 바랍니다 모든 항목들을 그래프에서 보여지기에 항목의 의미가 들어갔다면 앞에 the 를 붙여주세요
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
5.5 예상합니다 |