▶ Your Answer : In modern societies, there are a lot of vehicles around us. Vehicles are becoming a big part of our life. The automobile technology has developed consistently and the car has become safer than before. However, we can see that there are still huge number of accidents. These problems are harm to our societies (These problems harm/These problems are harmful). We need to investigate the reasons why accidents happen and construct solutions that can prevent these disastrous events.
Firstly, the punishment given to person who causes accident is too weak. For example, many people break the law by crossing the street when the light is red. Even if the person is caught by policeman, the person only gets light penalty, (comma) like fine ticket. Then, the person does not feel guilty because losing money is not a big deal to him. The second reason is that the number of car is considerably high. Existence of cars naturally induces high probabilities of car accidents. Car accident is more likely to happen when as the number of car on the road increases is millions than when the number is thousands.
To reduce car accidents, first of all, we should make a strict law to punish law violators. By applying the strict rules, we can make people have more caution. I am absolutely convinced that these methods can lessen the number of accident. Also, we can reduce the occurrence of disastrous events by removing the cars from the road. We can replace our cars with public transportation which can be used by many people at the same time 어떤 의미로 at the same time인지 애매합니다 대중교통을 이용하면 많은 사람을 '한번에' 옮길 수 있다? 혹은 도로에 차도 없애고 '동시에' 사람도 많이 옮긴다?. Then, not only we can diminish the number of car but also save a lot of money that would have been used to get fuel
There still are a lot of accidents happening on the road. However, if we enforce the law that is applied to traffic law violators and reduce the number of car on the road by using public transportation, then we can almost surely reduce the number of accidents.
SCORE: 6
Comment: 애매하거나 어색한 표현을 수정하고, 같은 단어의 반복 (e.g. the number of)를 줄이는 것이 더 좋겠습니다. |