▶ Your Answer : When I'm was (풀어서 사용, 현재 고등학생인가요? 현재형? 과거형?) in a high school, time of volunteering is one of the categories in school record. So, over 60 hours of volunteering is needed to be done in order to get a good grade, (<-no comma) for admitting university. Volunteering is still a duty in high schools, but now the time to reconsider that practice because enforced acting is not much very useful.
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Because volunteering is a duty, most students is secondary schools have eagerly participated in various kinds of volunteering works. However, as I experienced, the sincerity has been scarce in doing those activities. At first, because volunteering works are mandatory, many students think them as some burdens or botherations. As a result, they feel uncomfortable, and even annoyed when taking a part in volunteering, (<-no comma) instead of positive feelings, (<- comma) like sympathy or satisfaction. In addition, some students who are not interested in admitting university, (<-no comma) completely ignore volunteering hours.
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In this respect, another problem has existed. That is a form of volunteering works. The intention of imposing mandatory volunteering on students is related to raising humanity of them. However, volunteering hours are easily got achieved by just doing chores of some institutions and even by cleaning classrooms in the school. How can students improve their humanity by doing like that? (의문형은 되도록 사용 x) They might think that volunteering hours are just achieved by some irritating works and regard volunteering as just time-consuming work.
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So, it is clear that volunteering work should be deleted in mandatory courses of secondary schools. Instead, schools just have to encourage students to volunteer themselves, so they can participate in volunteering works seriously from their inner sense. It would be pretty difficult, but mandatory volunteering cannot be an appropriate solution.
SCORE: 5.5
Comment: 너무 한국적인 내용으로 글을 서술하셨다는 의견입니다. 한국에서는 일정시간 봉사를 하고 대학을 가기 위한 하나의 수단으로 여겨질 수는 있지만 다른 외국학교에서는 아닐 수 있습니다. 따라서, 점수에만 연연하는 학생들의 이야기보다는 봉사활동을 하면 사회성, 공감능력 기타 등등을 얻을 수 있지만 수학과 과학같은 필수 과목에 대한 시간에서 할애되야한다는 식의 내용이 examiner가 이해하기에 더 적합한 내용이겠습니다. |