▶ Your Answer :
These days, the rights for women in society are converging ?? . In the past, many things (things와 같은 애매한 단어 선택은 감점의 요소입니다) are considered as men's role, however, (<-no comma 여기에서 콤마는 중요한 부분입니다! 의미를 바꾸어 버리기 때문에 잘 사용하셔야합니다) as time goes by, this tendency is controversial. Therefore, as for army, I strongly believe that women can also join it as men do it.
To begin with, women can match men in capacity of fight in the war. In general, there have been awareness people think that which the war is went on by men are despatched to the war as troops and women jus support them by nursing them or preparing meals. However, females have enough ability to join the war and this cognition is demonstrated in historical events, (comma) like Joan of Arc. Therefore, females can have play an important role in the army, the navy and the air force.
Second of all, women are also a member of a nation. Without doubt, females have minds toward their nations and want to contribute to their motherland. Moreover, there is no difference between male and female in patriotism. Therefore, the opportunity to join the army should be given equally regardless of gender. Under patriotism, everyone has same mind and this mind is getting stronger in war. Accordingly, as a member of the country, women have the right to join the army.
To sum up, some people argues that women are insufficient 어색 to be a member of the army. However, in history, there are demonstrations which disapprove that opinion, and female can have a right with their patriotism. Therefore, the governments need to reform the systems that disturb the women's right to join the army for the future.
SCORE: 5.5
Comment: things, same mind, etc와 같은 애매한 표현은 감점의 요소입니다. 어색한 단어의 선택을 주의해주세요. |