▶ Your Answer :
In modern society, living abroad for a job
or studying has been a boom in many countries. It is often a controversial issue
over whether this experience gives more benefit, such as competitiveness for
employment, or have serious drawbacks in people's for their lives. Personally, I am in favor
of the latter opinion due to the expensive tuition fee and language
problems. This essay will discuss both views(on?) and a personal opinion regarding
this issue.
First of all, in the globalized society, taking an
experience to live in for living the other countries for a few years can be a competitive
edge for the employment. This is because there are many eminent companies seeking the for employees who can understand
culture diversity and even have multi-lingual skills. Therefore, for the
students and people who are looking for the occupations in other countries outside their country, living experience in other countries the other nations could can be a significant merit
for their successful life in the near future.
Nevertheless, despite these benefits in terms of
employment, there are undeniable problems, such as financial burden for study education and difficult communication language barrier with foreigners. As for the cost of study-abroad studying abroad,
many institutes require a tuition fee that is about three times higher from the original fee tuition fee for the
international students which is unbearable for most students that are in the middle class. , which cannot bear this cost for the poor. As for When it comes
to the language problem, basically, each country has a different structure of
language and culture. Thus, for the foreigners it is extremely hard(difficult) for foreigners to fully
establish their culture and system, and sometimes it causes being isolated from
social groups. As a result, it is also inevitable that living in other nations for
several years can bring negative impacts for their in a person's life.
In conclusion, recently, numerous people today leave
their own country to study or find better occupations. However, even though being abroad it
gives great opportunities from large companies, to get a famous company(회사를 갖는게 아니라 회사에서 기회가 오는거기 때문에 get단어는 적합하지않습니다. 그리고 famous companies 보다 large companies 라고 쓰는게 대기업인 좋은회사라는 느낌을 줄수있습니다.) since this experience can be is a competitive edge, I believe that they people will face to unavoidable demerits while
they are living overseas due to suffering from communication obstacles and excessive
expenditure.
Score: 5.5 Comment: 필요없는 곳에 the라는 단어를 너무 자주 쓰는것 같습니다. 그렇기 때문에 읽는게 어색하게 들립니다. 내용은 좋으나 단어 선택에 조금 신경쓰시면 좋을거같아요. 그리고 they, their라는 단어를 쓰시는데 그 대명사가 의미하는 명사가없는 경우가 있습니다. 주로 대명사는 명사가 따로 먼저 나와야하니 조심해주세요 ^^
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