▶ Your Answer :
Recently, there is are an increasing number of overweighted
children, especially in developed countries. This could be reasoned by mainly
their eating habits and fewer exercises. Due to this incremental trend in
overweight among children, they might suffer from various diseases physically
and psychologically. The foremost causes for the incremental trend of young
children's overweight are the food. The unhealthy fast food restaurants, which
lead young children to access easily, have been developing rapidly. Those
restaurants are cheap in price but the food contains no nutritional value. By
eating those unhealthy foods, which have contained nothing but sugar and fat, children
would accumulate their fats in their body. Furthermore, it is not only eating
high calorie food resulting children to be overweight, but also they are less would less
time involved in exercises. There are so many technologies such as TV,
computers, games and the internet that distract children from exercising. Due to
all these entertainment facilities at home, the more children are spending
their time at home instead of doing outdoor activities.
(Need better transition) The foreseeable effects on children, who are
overweight, are the physical and psychological diseases. If children continue to eat are
keeping eating unhealthy foods, they might suffer from various diseases from
diabetes, arthritis rheumatism and asthma. Not only these physical aspects of
body would suffer, but their mind will also get suffer. If children are obese, they will
be exposed of high risk to being bullied by their peer groups at school. As a
result of this, young children will get stress, anxiety and insomnia from being
obese. Neither the immediate effect, nor immediate appearance, would appear by
eating unhealthy food. The accumulation of calories, fats, sugar would damnify
the body continuously and will be showing these diseases as a last result.
Despite several reasons for young children to be
obese, the primary reasons could be the unhealthy food availability and the
time doing outdoor activities. Therefore, children could suffer from physical to
psychological damages in the long run.
Score: 7.5 Comment: 잘 서술해주셨습니다. 글 정리만 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 더 다양한 표현을 써주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |