▶ Your Answer :
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to be a member of a group than to be the leader of a group.
There are several factors required to be a leader, and it also requires taking many risks. Since members do not require taking risks and have no responsibilities, it would be better to be a member of a group instead.
The members of a group have very simple dedicated tasks. Those tasks are usually coming from the top, so they bear no responsibilities. Because they do not have any responsibilities, their job is secure. Since their daily tasks are involve risk-free, they can be able to result in error-free tasks. <(coherence/cohesion에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다)
In comparison, the leader has many tasks and responsibilities on their shoulders. Those tasks would be difficult to complete, because leaders would be able to foresee the unfavourable events and prevents those events by being prepared for all circumstances.<(little unclear) <Need better coherence> They have to create the opportunities by continuously observing and studying the market.
Leaders also would bear many responsibilities. If their prediction is wrong or if they made a wrong judgement, they have to fix those mistakes. The fixing of the error could require take a lot of money and time, and sometimes it may cost their position to fix it. Also, the leaders need some potential powers that can lead others in order to achieve the tasks. Therefore, having no risks and responsibilities of members can be better than a leader. <(한 문단으로 정리를 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. )
In conclusion, because a the leader takes many difficult tasks and is responsible for the tasks, the members are being a member is better than being the leader.
Score: 6 Comment: 질문에 대한 답은 좋다고 생각합니다. 다만 전체적으로 글 정리를 조금 더 해주시고 coherence/cohesion에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 내용 연결성이 잘 안되어 있는 부분이 조금 있습니다. 문법상 표현/collocation에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 조금 더 다양한 표현을 써주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |