▶ Your Answer :
The number of students who different genders joined a
school between 1950 and 1990 by gender is represented by a projected graph.
Overall, both genders’ registration rose drastically
by the last two decades, especially for boys, despite a periodic fluctuation in
the beginning.
Overall, both genders’ registration had
shown the incremental trend where it rose<(전 문장과 같은 말을 하고 있습니다)
Generally, boys enrollment to a school had a
higher number than that of girls.
Initially, 6,000 boys enrolled in a school
in 1950 compared to 4,000 girls. Meanwhile, the girl’s registration remained constant
at 4,000 whereas there was a slight drop in the boys’ registration to a school
in 1960 to reach at 5,000 applications.
From 1960 to 1970, the number of enrollment
rose drastically to reach at the 6,000 applications for both genders.<(females한테는 drastic increase지만 males는 원래 시작했던 점으로 다시 돌아갔습니다) After
that, the incremental trend continued for both genders, but boys had experienced
a steady sharp growth to reach at 8,000 enrollment numbers whereas 7,000 girls
registered to a school.
Score: 7 Comment: 잘 정리를 해서 전달을 해주셨습니다. 전체적으로 글 정리만 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 그래프의 정보는 five decades가 아닌 four decades만 전달을 해주신 것 같습니다. 문법상 문제가 되는 곳은 크게 없어 보입니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |