▶ Your Answer :
The table illustrates the information/percentage/proportion/amount about poverty rates among
six types of households in Australia in 1999. <(good)
Overall, the survey was conducted by 1,837,000 of Australian
people which represented 11% of the total household in Australia. <(1,837,000명이 survey에 참여를 한것 보다는 전체적으로 survey를 한 가족 중 1,837,000이 빈곤층이라는 것을 밝혀주고 호주의 전체적인 households중에서 11%가 빈곤층이라고 말해주고 있습니다. ) It is noticeable
that, single person recorded for the higher poverty rates than couples, and
people with children were more likely to be poor than those without. Poverty
rates were considerably lower for elders regardless with being single or
couple. (Need better transition)
Just over a fifth of single parents were living in poverty, whereas
only 12% of family with children lived under poverty. The same pattern can be seen
for people with no children. Just under a fifth of single without children were
living under the poverty line, while the figure for couples was much lower, at
only 7%. The aged family showed much lower percentage of living in poverty
where it was 6% for singles and 4% for couples.
Score: 7.5 Comment: 잘 정리를 해서 전달을 해주셨습니다. Overall의 첫번째 문장은 마치 1,837,000명만 survey에 participate한 것 처럼 들립니다. 하지만 그 수는 전체적으로 빈고층인 수를 말합니다. 그 외에는 글 정리를 조금 더 해주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |