▶ Your Answer : The bar chart compares the percentages of children taking part in different activities in Australia by gender. <(Ages를 specify 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다)
Overall, both genders would prefer to watch TV or videos most and the more number of boys participate in the activities, whereas skateboarding or roller-blading and art and craft are least popular among boys, and the figure for the former had the least proportion among girls and all levels <(너무 많은 내용을 한 문장으로 써주실려고 하는 것 같습니다. 문장을 나눠서 써주시는 것을 추천합니다)
All of 5 to 14-year-old children watch TV and videos. Except for the activity <(what activity?), 80% and 70% of boys like playing electronic and computer games and bike riding respectively, while only below 40% of them enjoy the other <(the other what?). In addition, the proportions of activities opted for by boys have a significant 60% of difference between the most and the least popularity.
On the other hand, girls also choose to play the same things as boys for the next most enjoyable activities at both 60% <(what are the next most enjoyable activities?), and 20% more of them they selected art and craft 20% more than boys at just over 50%, which is the sole exercise that more girls participated in play. Only 30% of girls would love skateboarding and roller-blading and that is the least proportion of all figures.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 내용을 잘 정리 해주셨습니다. 다만 specificity에 조금 더 신경을 써주시고 글 정리를 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 코멘트나 수정을 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨씁니다. |