▶ Your Answer :
Young generations nowadays frequently participate in with
voluntary work in developed nations. I believe that the competitive market
could be the reason that young people do doing the voluntary work and, the
voluntary work would be always beneficial benefit for young people.
Despite several reasons that young people engage in
voluntary work, I believe that the reason for young people to participate in
voluntary work in developing areas is because their country is very competitive.
Many developed countries are suffering from the high unemployment rates which
could lead young youth unemployment. Young people can spend the time doing valuable
voluntary work by having the developing self-satisfaction and self-esteem. 부유한 국가의 젊은이들이 무보수로 일을 하는 것에 대해 묻고 있으므로 실업률이 높은 국가의 상황과 연관짓는 것은 논점에 어긋납니다.
Doing the voluntary work is beneficial for children,
because they would be able to have career opportunities by participating in the
work. Since children would meet various people by doing the voluntary work, the
continuous interaction with them can increase their employment opportunities. 지속적인 상호작용이 구직기회를 증가시켜준다는 설명은 논리적으로 어색합니다. Further
to this, young people can learn diverse various knowledge and skills from doing the
voluntary work. The possible knowledge that they could be learning might
involve the new experience, new skills, socialisation skills and different
cultures.
In conclusion, there can be several reasons for children
to participate in voluntary work. Among those reasons, I believe that the
competitive market is was the primary reason. However, because of this reason, Also. children would be able to find the occupation by doing the voluntary work.
Therefore, voluntary work is beneficial for young people.
IELTS 1-9 score scale score: 5 modest user
젊은이들에게 자원봉사가 도움이 되는 이유만 물어봤다면 괜찮았겠지만, 'wealthy countries'의 젊은이들이 무보수로 일하는 것에 대해 물어봤으므로 취업난과 연결하는 것은 좀 위험해 보입니다. 문제 내용을 벗어난 답은 TA/TR에서 감점요인이 되니 지양해야 합니다. 문제 질문 내용을 계속 염두에 두면서 풀어주셔야 해요. 단어와 문법표현도 더 다양하게 활용해주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 수고하셨습니다! 아이엘츠 라이팅 채점기준 참고하세요 - TA/TR(Task Achievement/Task Response) 문제에 정확히 답변, 적정 분량 - CC(Coherence and Cohesion) 일관성, 응집성 - LR(Lexical Resource) 다양한 어휘표현
- GR(Grammartical Range and Accuracy) 문법 다양성, 정확성
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