▶ Your Answer :
There are controversies over whether the underlying reason of crime is derived from the poor economic environment or one’s personal nature. Although there are some people who point out the human nature as the fundamental cause of crime, I would like to argue that the economic and social environment is much more critical aspect than person’s nature. (GOOD) Firstly, there is no doubt that both structural and individual aspects has a significant impact on crimes occurring in a society. According to the structural factor, the majority of crimes in a particular society are closely connected with the lack of institutionalization and education. In other words, they believe that the effort to educate citizens from early ages could minimize the social crimes. On the other hand, those who support the individual factor assert that these propensity of criminals are similar in terms of their human nature. For example, people who are categorized as 'sociopath' or 'psychopath' committed a tragic crime such as murder more likely to be a than ordinary people. At first glance, the argument based on the human nature seems like persuasive, but this tends to overlook the decrease of crime rate in western countries. How do we explain this The cases in the developed countries represented by France, Germany, and the United Kingdom regarding the origin of crime showed that criminals created due to if the main cause of crime is rest on the human nature rather than an economic and social factors took most of the portion within the number of criminals. Specifically, in the case of Germany, the country had suffered from the high crime rate in the developing process between 1950 and 1970. In particular, the crime rate of Eastern Germany had outweighed the Western Germany before the re-unification of Germany in 1989. (However, this had decreased after the economic situation improved after reunification of East and West Germany 등 경제적 사정이 발전한 이유 범죄율이 줄어든 내용을 적어주세요) From these cases, the explanation on the basis of the human nature is limited in describing the whole facets with respect to the underlying cause of crime. (Example을 support하는 문장을 작성해주세요. economic and social factor가 매우 중요하다고 해서 Human nature가 제한되었다고 볼 수 없습니다. ) In conclusion, even if I could partially understand the effect of human nature in terms of committing a crime, I would like to argue that the economic and social environment is much more crucial considering the changes in various European countries.
Task Achievement
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Coherence and Cohesion
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Lexical Resource
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Grammatical Range and Accuracy
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TOTAL
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6
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6
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7
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7
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6.5
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- economic and social impact 가 더 크다는 점에 대한 설명/예시 부연 설명이 조금 더 보충이 필요합니다.
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