As the world become became globalized, a number of individuals are living in other countries and they have to use a foreign language. This may bring about both the social problems and practical problems to the individuals. I totally agree with the view for the following the reasons.
One reason that supports my opinion is that although people share lots of cultures by using the Internet, people may feel different and weird to accept the foreign cultures when they face them directly. This is because they did not experience the cultures and people usually have a prejudice. To be precise, in case of the Corona virus, the locals in Europe and American thought that Asians were is one of the cause of the virus and attacked Asians randomly. This case shows that the locals have thought that Asian is dirty and lower than them. People living other states can suffer from social difficulty difficulties such as racial discrimination, especially when a national crisis happened happens/occurs.
Another reason is that individuals in the abroad must always listen to native speaker carefully and study foreign language steadily because they are not accustomed to other languages not as same as mother tongue. Korean today go to the abroad to study or to work, however, many of them return to Korea due to the carefulness about language whenever they work and study. (이 문단은 수정해주셔야 하는데, 이에 대해서는 총평에서 말씀드리겠습니다.)
In conclusion, I think that those who living live in other countries which require to speak a foreign their language have difficulties difficulty in solving social and practical problems due to racial discrimination and other language.
총평: (5/7/6/6) 6.0
다행히도 '바로 전의 Task 1에 비해서는' 문법상 문제가 적었지만, 여전히 예전과 비교했을 때는 문법이 조금 무너진 상황은 맞습니다. 고로 이 감은 최대한 빨리 찾아주셔야 그 이후 내용을 잡든지 뭘 할 수 있어요.
본론 두 번째 문단의 경우 practical 문제, 즉 일상적 문제를 언급해주셔야 합니다. 현재 본론2에서는 그러한 구체적인 양상이 보이지 않고 그저 언어 사용에 문제가 있다는 일반론적인 얘기에 그치고 있기 때문에, 물건 구입의 어려움, 병원 진료의 어려움 등 말 그대로 구체적인 일상적 문제를 다뤄주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)