In some parts of the world, it is becoming popular to teach the history of one’s own family. Why do people want to do this? Is it a positive or negative development?
In many parts of the world, learning about their own family history became a trend. Some people are curious about why it became a trend these days, along with the question about its effect. In this essay, I will deliver my opinion of its popularity and the positives impact of this trend. (이번 서론 매우 좋았습니다.)
Nowadays, learning about one’s family background became become quite common. They can research the background of their families by a bedtime story from grandparents. One can also search it through documents, or even testing their own DNA in a laboratory. It is human nature to find out their roots and family stories. By learning the history which directly relates to themselves, unlike common history in books, people find out very interesting Unlike common history in textbooks, people find it very interesting to learn the history which is directly related to themselves, (문법 수정해드리는 겸 msg 쳐드렸습니다.) because it meets the need of knowing oneself more deeply. Moreover, since it brings beneficial effects (이거에 대해서 설명할 수 있어야 합니다.) to a student, many schools have given out assignments regarding family trees.
Research about one’s family tree can be a positive development in many ways. First of all, by learning their family background, it helps to build a strong identity. As knowing the family history means finding out more about one’s root, it can which can also promote self-esteem. In addition, by searching and thoroughly investigating their own histories, one can feel more respect toward their ancestors. Knowing about past generations can teach moral value to young students to some extent.
To sum up, it is an acceptable idea that people want to find out their own family histories since it is an instinct for knowing themselves more thoroughly. I firmly believe it has a positive effect on an individual by promoting self-esteem, along with respect for their ancestors, which lacks in our contemporary society.
선생님 ㅠㅠ마지막 문단 이상하지않나요,,? 잘은 모르겠다만 디기 어색한 늬낌이 나는데 ..
그냥..날 것의 느낌으로 그대로 올겠습니다ㅠㅠ
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말씀해주신 마지막 문단은 크게 문제 없었습니다. 본론에서 언급된 원인과 긍정적인 발전인 이유를 잘 요약해주셨어요. 굳이 따지자면 an acceptable idea 라는 표현을 '원인' 이라는 표현으로 수정해주시면 괜찮을 것이고요.
그리고 와사비님의 경우 분명 영어 실력이 학생들 중 평균을 훨씬 상회하긴 하지만, 간혹 정말 뜬금없는 문법 오류가 등장하는 경향이 있는데 이에 대해서도 주의해주세요~수고하셨습니다 :)