▶ Your Answer :
It is widely accepted that going to school is largely suffering because students think that a lot of subjects are burdens for themselves. However, others believe they should experience many kinds of subjects to get a specialized job in the future. In this essay, I disagree with the opinion for some reasons.
First of all, many subjects can make students feel uninteresting. In addition, they are not motivated and bored when they are in a class. The chief reason for this is that everyone cannot have a feeling of interest about all subjects and, ultimately, they would be exhausted with by enormous class materials>> various curriculum.
Secondly, most people, including students, could not reach their genuine goal when they do not want to do something. For example, there is a student who wants to be a biologist in later, but if he or she has to be listened take a course about consisting of irrelevant subjects such as history or arts, the student will >> if절의 동사가 현재면 주절의 조동사는 현재가 와야 합니다 suffer from the situation which is hard to understand. Therefore, schools must provide students with selective courses and the right to decide them.
Thirdly, there is a financial problem. for giving a lot of general studying course, the school needs a support from the government. This means that it is wasting money since most students would not concentrate to their burdened subjects. To spend funding for studying effectively, education policy should be changed with not providing useless courses for to students.
In conclusion, it is important to know about many subjects fields, but which is can be harmful to students. Eventually, they cannot get their real goal, including specialized job.
전체적인 단어, 구조 등이 쉽게 작성된 감이 있구요
본론 2,3 부분은 비슷한 내용이네요 본론을 두 개로 줄여서 줄어든 하나 만큼의 분량을 더 추가해주는 것이 좋습니다 주장은 본문1 , 2면 충분하구요
3개로 쓴다면 그만큼 전달성, 논리, 이해를 높이기도 힘듭니다 그만큼 시간에 쫓기면서 적게 쓸테니까요
Task Achievement - 6
Coherence and Cohesion - 6
Lexical Resource - 6
Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
6.0 예상합니다
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