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Noticeably, these days, >> 콤마 넣어주세요 it is true that most time especially adults have is spent spend their time at a workplaces >> 뒤에 콤마 빼주세요, due to which the expectation of a job opportunity has become a crucial consideration and conditions for all workers.>> 직업 기회의 기대가 중요한 조건이 됐기 때문에 어른들이 직장에서 많은 시간을 보낸다? 무슨 말인가요? In this essay, what factors affects to the workers, including how realistic the job expectation >> 문제랑 똑같으면 이건 표절입니다 is will be addressed as follows.
To begin with, stress generated at the from work is the significant condition>> 일로부터 만들어진 스트레스는 중요한 조건이다 ? 또한 어디 혹은누구 에게 중요한가요?, which highly contributes highly to the work satisfaction >> 밑줄 친 부분을 따로 문장으로 만들어서 설명으로 만들어주시면 될 듯 싶네요. >> 설명이 없습니다 주장을 나타냈으면 설명을 추가로 해주셔야 합니다For example, if >> 주어 동사 어디갔나요? under stress, a worker is likely to be mentally and physically >> 부사는 동사 뒤에서 수식합니다 painful both mentally and physically,>> 콤마 빼주세요 even at home. As workers suffer from working, in terms of building relation with co-workers and outcome >> building outcome ? of their work, employers in the company are needed to offer enough time to rest and to relieve stress for the employers, >> 콤마 빼주세요 in order to improve their achievement and profit.
Another main factor, which is directly related to the expectation of job, is monthly salary. As the employed work harder and spend more than a half- >> of their life on working, how much they are paid is seen as an important condition. For instance, if they are less paid than they should be will >> ?? 무슨 말인가요 constantly lead to losing interests and distracting their concentration on work. Thus, to prevent this terrible event, enough compensation is necessary and essential such as receiving having a plenty of holidays whenever they want and higher salary or a bonus. But >> but also so or and 는 문두에 쓰지 않습니다, unfortunately, >> 부사가 문두에 나오면 콤마죠 the satisfaction of job is seen unrealistic and ineffective in our society. It is >> because는 혼자 문두에 바로 쓰이지 않고 앞에 it is 등이 붙어야 합니다 because these policies >>?? are rarely placed on the employed rather, than >> 콤마 빼주세요 they are forced to work in the weekend.
In conclusion, to run the company in a positive way, they >> who ? need to appropriate rules towards their workers, based on a mental health. As a high life standard of living is thought to be a more critical requirement >> than what ?, making workplace better will enable to succeed greatly for the company as well as the workers.
글자수 약 310자 됩니다 40자 가량 줄여주시길 바라구요 무슨 말인지 다 읽고 머릿 속에 잘 기억에 남지 않습니다 문법 실수도 많고 본문 2에선 주장이 월급 문젠데 갑자기 휴일도 나오고 글이 복잡합니다 어휘가 부족합니다 쉬운 단어들을 대체하질 못했네요
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 4 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
5.0 예상합니다 |