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There is no doubt all people want to be rich,
so what the most important thing about being rich is one of arguing points for
all. Here is an opinion (여기의 here 는 문법상 문제는 없습니다. 그러나 이미 문단의 첫 문장이 there 로 시작됨에도 불구하고 여기도 here 를 there 로 바꾸는 걸 추천드려요. 그 이유는 here 로 적을시에 구어체에 가까워지기 때문입니다.) that some people believe that the way of being rich is
to give a person the chance to help other people, but I do not agree with that because
helping other people is not related to earning a lot of money. It can only
receive many respects from them. This essay will discuss supportive ideas for
my opinion. (서론을 조금만 더 간결하게 해주신 것도 고려해볼법 합니다. 예를 들면, 뒤에서 두 번째 문장은 없다고 하더라도 전혀 문제가 되지 않죠.)
Firstly, the most important thing about being
rich is having a brilliant idea. If people have creative ideas and well develop
them, it is possible for them to invent innovative things which changes the world make the world
changed. For example, Steve Jobs, a founder of Apple, invented the smartphone.
Before the invention, the main functions of the previous phones had were only
texting messages and making calls, but owing to the breakthrough by Jobs of him, many people were able to use the Internet, enjoy entertainment and use other brilliant functions through a smartphone the
smartphone was able to use the Internet, enjoy entertainments and use other
brilliant functions, so many people bought the phones and felt very convenient.
It made him rich as a result.
In addition, one of the most important
things (문단의 시작이므로 무엇에 대한 중요사항인지 다시 한번 상기시켜주세요.) is saving money. Even though a person earns much money, it is difficult
to be rich if the person spends a lot of expenditures. For example, there are
famous entertainers in Korea. They have high incomes through advertisements,
drama and movie, but some people were addicted to gambling. It can be often heard
from media that they lost their money all and even suffered a lot of debts. Therefore,
reducing an insufficient spending and saving money are the most basic solution
to become rich.
To sum up, being rich is a dream for all,
but it is difficult to make dream come true. However, I truly reckon that being
rich is not would not be a dream anymore if people make an effort on having a brilliant idea
and saving money.
(325 words) |