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The busy airports and the increasing number of travel agencies are the main factors that directly reflecting the growing demands from the tourists>> that 절에 동사 어디있나요?. This essay will analyse the causes of this trend and describe the merits of the phenomenon that brings to the travellers.>> 문제 제기가 잘못된 듯 싶네요 busy airports 와 travel agencies 는 문제에서 언급이 안 됐습니다 그냥 여행이 늘어나고 있다는 정도까지만 서술하시면 됩니다
To begin with, post to the globalisation, flexible cooperation across the borders has become a sensitive subject. As a ground to this issue, internationally, currencies are more fluid than ever before. Which It has contributed to disseminate propagate the use of credit cards as well as to implementing 'the single-currency' to combine the countries in the same continent. As a brief illustration, introducing European Union(EU) alleviated the barriers for the tourist to travel between European nations. >> 예시가 나오면 좋겠습니다
Furthermore, advanced transport technology encouraged the prevalence of affordable airlines for the purpose of tourism. To elaborate, Air-Asia and Southern China Airline heated the competition, so that the average cost of flights has reduced dramatically. >> 이건 예시에 가깝습니다 설명은 어떤 자세한 이름같은게 나오지 않고 단순히 설명하는게 필요합니다 As an example, the price of one-way tickets travelling from Korea to Australia almost dropped by almost a half. Thus, the demand of people to fly has increased universally. >> 이 문단이나 위에 문단 중 하나 없애주세요 why is this the case 에 해당하는 본문으로 남겨주시구요
It is irrefutable that travelling has positive effect for those people who explore new culture. First and foremost, acknowledging the divergence of cultures eliminates the stereotypes. As a result, the absence of bias will promote people to achieve sound international culture by stopping the racism and the materialism. >> 여기 지워주세요
Additionally, individuals may broaden their perspectives by understanding the environment of origin of other cultures. Consequently, >> 진짜 끝맺을 때 씁니다 this affection will inspire people to generate ingenious and creative ideas that will make the society wealthier. For an example, many artists or writers insist that visiting the art museums or historical monuments inspired them to obtain fresh ideas for the next step of their work. These pieces of work were shared to delight the society.
To recapitulate, people are taking advantages of the fruition of globalisation by travelling internationally. In this respect, individuals, who explore the world, are enlightening their perspectives and views to encourage the sound international culture and their creativity.
각 문단 시작은 한 칸 들여써주세요 6문단은 절대 안 됩니다 글자수도 331자로 넘어가고 6문단인데 331자란건 한 단락마다 글이 많이 짧단 것입니다 본론 한 단락이 서론이나 결론의 2~3배는 되는데 두 배도 안 되는 듯 싶네요 본문의 주장들은 좋지만 예시나 설명을 하나씩 빠뜨리거나 잘못 구성하면서 아직도 불충분한 본문을 구성하고 있다고 보여지는 것입니다 또한 굉장히 많은 스펠링 오류가 있었습니다 고쳐주세요
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
5.5 예상합니다
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