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In this contemporary society, fast-food consumption has been on a steep rise. This trend has led to serious health problems. Relation between health and fast-food consumption is obvious as proved by numerous scientific researches. This essay will outline the negative aspect of fast-food and suggest some possible solutions.
Most of health problems that arise from fast-food consumption are a result of high levels of saturated fat, trans fats >> 가운데 -빼주세요, sugar and sodium. Fast food>>가운데 - 빼주세요 restaurants often use high amounts of these ingredients which usually exceed recommended levels, with an attempt to add flavor to their food and make it more desirable. Many major health conditions such as heart diseases, stroke, diabetes mellitus and hypertension are associated with fast-food consumption. According to a research conducted by NHS from 2000 to 2010, there is a clear proportional relationship between the amount of fast-food consumption and the risk of having metabolic disease, especially diabetes mellitus. Therefore, it is evident that there have to be some measures which limit fast-food consumption.
To solve this problem, the government should impose strict restriction on fast food companies. Firstly, the standard for the quality and quantity of the ingredients they use should be fully revised and rigidly supervised. Although there are already some recommended levels, fast food companies have regarded these just as recommendation, not as legal force. Secondly, fast food companies should not be allowed to open too much new restaurants. Many cities are already so saturated with fast food restaurants that people, even if they want to, cannot>> 축약형은 쓰면 안 됩니다 have the right to choose healthy foods outside home. The government should encourage fast food companies to invest their money on selling healthier foods instead of expanding their business. The study by researchers in New York Department of Health and Mental Hygiene comparing to the lunchtime meal of local community people in 2007 and 2009 – before and after that the fast food ban went into effect. In 2009, the average amounts of fat consumption during lunchtime was significantly reduced in 2009 comparing to that in 2007. This clearly demonstrates that a ban or a regulation itself can improve fast-food-related problems.
As it can be seen, increasing fast-food consumption is becoming a serious problem in society due to its negative impacts on health. The government need to be actively involved to reduce the consumption of fast-food, and by doing so, to promote healthy eating habits.
문장구조는 괜찮았지만 오류가 조금씩 있었고
단어가 가장 약했습니다 fast food로 모든 부분이 언급됐네요 immediate도 활용 가능하고
junk food 등도 가능하죠 논리 부분에선 회사에게 장려를 하지만 정부 측면에서 회사에게 어떤 이익을 줘야 이윤을 창출하는 회사도 손해없이 장사를 하는 등의 논리적인 대책도 필요합니다
Task Achievement - 7
Coherence and Cohesion - 6
Lexical Resource - 5
Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
6.0 예상합니다
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