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It has suggested that a variety of sports club is helpful for people to develop the ability to public health. However, other>> other people 혹은 others 라고 해주세요 state that this would be have little impact on public health,>> 콤마가 없어도 and 는 그냥 이어집니다 and people should be needed for measurement>> 무슨 뜻인지 잘 모르겠습니다.
To begin with, scores of people may have various opportunities in caring health through sports centres. This may be true that a wide range of facilities may generate an effect that a myriad of people are able to work out and sustain physical abilities with interested >> interesting sports. Besides, They may savor diverse experiences or spend enjoyable time in their company of friends. >> with colleagues.
On the other hand, there are against these arguments that people barely have barely an influence on a good outcome with varied sports centres. Here is a hypothetical example, in Korea, there are a spate of health clubs, while a handful of people go on exercise. Although they have having >> 완전한 절이 필요합니다 good circumstances, there may be unchanged for public health and people may demand for measurements to inspect for physical status.
Personally, I think that there are pros and cons on these arguments. The environments with sports facilities such as health clubs, swimming pools, judo, golf and etc >> etc는 준말입니다 and so on 이라고 해주세요 may bring about effective results for people who are eager to play sports, whereas in the absence of these facilities, there may be nothing to alleviate strains, or even having fun.
In conclusion, I cannot judge that the most paramount selections to build a number of facilities for public health. However, without having nothing is less than something >> Having that kind of facilities is better than having nothing.
253words
Other measures가 언급되지 않았습니다 전체를 포함하지 않게 됐네요 시설들을 더 지을 것인가 아니면 그런 것들 대신 다른 측정 (건강 관리하는 시설로 의역해서 보시는게 좋을 듯 싶습니다)을 할 것인가에 대해서 자세하게 서술해주시기 바랍니다 아무래도 테스크에 대해서 약간의 실수가 있어서 첫 문단에 제가 이해를 못 한 부분이 생긴게 아닐까 싶습니다 빨간 표시들 봐주시고 작은 문법에 신경써주세요
아래 코멘트에 대해선 템플릿이 처음 기초를 잡고 글을 쓰는 방향을 익히기엔 굉장히 좋습니다 하지만 어느정도 실력이 갖춰지고 본인의 성격이 글에 묻어나오기 시작하고 본인만의 틀이 있다면 남의 템플릿을 따라하다가 이도저도 아닐 수도 있으니 처음 걸음마는 템플릿에 의해 떼고 달리는건 본인이 달린다고 생각하시면 됩니다 추가로 본론의 가장 좋은 구성은 주장-이유-예시-설명-정리 입니다
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
6.0 예상합니다 |