▶ Your Answer :
From prehistoric ages to the past before the 20th century,
almost women's occupation was housewife, which is usually recognized as a soft job>> soft job이 뭘 의미하는지 모르겠습니다. Thereby, female had been being accustomed
their weakness. Nevertheless, as the times changes, the position of
feminine females is rising since they are taking part in a lots >> lots of 는 구어체로 쉽게 하려고 만들어졌다고 들었습니다 a lot of 가 좋을 듯 싶습니다 of fields of a social
system. In my opinion, women can also be suited for all the kinds of professions
as well as men.
Some people argue, in terms of the differences by gender, said that females are naturally dissimilar with males by nature. Their muscles,
hormones, bones and even mental are basically feeble to do something, which were
done by masculine men >> 그런 남성적인게 뭔가요?. Hence, if they join some tough areas, they can be easily
injured easily, and, occasionally, it
brings about critical situations of their lives. In addition, with a little overstatement,
the risks could occur in >> occur는 자동사입니다 a considerable social expense.
However, females can overcome sufficiently their physically
vulnerable points through work out and exercise. Even though they could need
more time to train themselves than masculine males, they would have enough abilities
to surmount their effeminacy. Actually, nowadays, a number of females joined
some tough jobs, such as servicewomen and police officers. This trend of social
participation can lead to draw great human resources from women, and it will be
directed to national interests. >> 어떻게 national interests와 관련이 되는지 제시해주세요
To sum up, the human's capacities could depend on the
gender, but it also could be conquered by individual's exertion. Thus, to
construct a healthy and balanced society, the government should encourage the
female's participation in all the work areas of the nation. 어휘에서 female woman 등에서 한정이 되어 조금 아쉬웠습니다 feminine은 형용사이며 명사 뜻은 여자같음 정도라서 여성이란 말에 쓰긴 어렵습니다 feminine people 라고 했으면 됐을텐데요 아쉽습니다 다른 부분들 수일치 봐주세요
Task Achievement - 7 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6 6.0 예상합니다
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