▶ Your Answer :
The job,the work, is Job and work are necessary in our society. However, nowadays, a number of people change frequently their jobs frequently. This is because developed technology and changing society. In my opinion , it will bring negative effects to people. >> A, B 식으로 콤마는 앞에 단어와는 붙고 뒷 단어와는 한 칸을 띄웁니다. 부사는 동사 뒤에서 수식해주고 마침표 찍고나서 한칸 띄고 쓰는겁니다
There are some reasons why it could be argued that many people change their jobs. Firstly, our life is becoming complex and difficult. Especially, because the cost of living has dramatically increased so dramatically, which means that people want more safety, prestigious jobs to earn more enough salaries and works for a long time to keep up with higher expenses in a society. >> 문장이 너무 깁니다 People want safe, prestigious jobs to earn high salary so that they have to counterbalance some expenses in society . >> 예시나 어떤 설명에 대한 이유 등을 말해야 합니다 Secondly, with the development of technoly , people have enough chances to find a job and apply their resumes to a company through the Internet regardless boundries. For example,in Korea, thesedays, many applicants compare and choose thier jobs with their own computers . Thus , develope technology allows people to apply various jobs , while living expences forces citizens to change better jobs >> 이 문장은 우선 본문 하나엔 하나의 주장이 필요한데 두 번째 주장이라 필요없는 부분이구요 현재 글자수도 많아서 이 부분 삭제하는게 좋구요 삭제한 자리에 두 세문장 정도 위에 말씀드린 이유나 예시 들어주는게 좋구요 주장 다음 바로 예시가 나온 안 좋은 문장이기도 합니다
However, I think that it brings more drawbacks. First reason is that a society would be instable. It which is because when many professional workers, such as doctors, firefighters, and lawyers, change frequently their jobs frequently . The society also loses very indeed >>?? skilled and experienced workers in special parts. Secondly, a person, >> 콤마 사용 위치 봐주세요who changes his/her jobs aanytimes >> anytime 보단 whenever they want 가 낫겠네요, could miss a chance, having promotion and improving specific skills in certain parts. Lastly.>> 마침표가 아닌 콤마입니다 it >> i 소문자입니다 can make people being isolated from friends and family when they work far away from their hometowns. For examples, people, >> 콤마 위치 봐주세요 who immigrate from one country to another to find better jobs , >> 콤마는 jobs 뒤에 붙습니다 feel depressed and ansxious due to separation from their beloved ones. So>> 문두에 so also and or but 은 쓰지 않습니다 또한 문두에 부사가 나오면 뒤에 콤마입니다 changing jobs gives people stress.
In conclusion, while there are some reasons to believe that people change their jobs for their better life, my own view is that it has more negative effects such as mental and social problems.
각 문단의 첫 시작은 한 칸 들여쓰고 시작해주세요 문법, 단어 오류 너무 많습니다 짧은 Task1 써주세요 오류가 너무 많아 지금부터 Task2 하시기엔 너무 이릅니다 또한 본론은 주장- 주장에 대한 설명 - 예시의 형태가 가장 좋구요 글자수도 300자가 넘으니 30~40자 가량 줄여주시구요
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 4 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 4
5.0 예상합니다 |