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Free education is usual in a number of developed countries. This system leads the citizens to be more 'developed'>> 따옴표 빼주세요 또한 이건 주장에 가까운 말입니다. For this reason, many countries are making an effort to implement it. However, I disagree with an above opinion.>> many countries가 하고 있다고 하는 말 없습니다 문제 제기를 하되 문제에 없는 내용을 언급해선 안 됩니다 그저 저런 의견이 나오고 있다 거세지고 있다 이런건 괜찮지만요
Contrary to what this topic implies, To begin with, free education cannot be considered as 'free'>> 콤마 빼주세요. As a statement said, >> which statement? It is because free education system is operated by citizens' taxes. Of course, I agree that governments should expand public basis but, For instance, if the government executed >> 현재 사실과는 반대되는 언급이니 과거형으로 작성했습니다 free education, the budget would not be stable because the quantity of tax from citizens is limited. This scale >>? is different from one of the government's educational supporting funds.>> 무료 교육은 무료로 생각되지 않는다 만약 정부가 무료 교육을 실시한다면, 시민들로부터 얻는 세금은 한정적이기에 예산은 안정적이지 않게 된다. 이 scale? 은 정부의 교육 보조 지원금의 하나와는 다르다 >> 무료로 생각되지 않는 점과 시민들로부터 얻는 세금이 한정적이란게 어떤 상관관계가 있나요?
Moreover, free education might not have encouraged people to study hard. >> 설명 없이 바로 뒤에 예시가 나와버리네요 A case in point is For example, children who have purchased toys by spending their own money before would know their those values,>> 마침표 찍어주세요 likewise 는 부사입니다 문장 이어주는 기능 없습니다 Likewise, education could be the same as toys. People tend to overlook the value unless they directly pay by themselves. As a result, this tendency would cause people not to know preciousness of an opportunity.>> ?? 무슨 기회를 말하는거죠
In addition, the offspring of the rich might not want to be sent into ordinary and free schools, so it can be predicted that demand of luxurious schools such as boarding schools would be increased like majority of the rich prefer Hermes when the price of this become more expensive. Eventually, the more excessive gap between people who have and people who do not have would be appeared in educational place, too. >> 이미 본문 두개 나왔습니다 이 글 지우고 이 분량만큼 위 본론 두개에 설명이나 예시를 넣어줘서 보충해주세요 필요없는 문단입니다
In sum, an the educational system financial supporting policy, which is free, >> 문장 중간에 which 절이 있으면 콤마로 나눠주세요 might be the same as indirectly paying indirectly tuition fees and does not motivate people to work hard. Indeed, it probably causes a different type of inequality. If a problem of now is whether people can learn or cannot, a problem of era of free education the issue would be about which school people can go, luxurious one or normal one.
각 문단 맨 첫 줄은 한 칸 들여써주시길 바랍니다 Task1 작성해주세요 Task1 쓰면서 Task2 공부해주세요
현재 논리도 이상하고 문법들도 제대로 안 잡혀 있습니다
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 4 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 4
5.0 예상합니다 |