▶ Your Answer :
In the modern society, recent developments
in mass communication and transportation system enable people to directly or
indirectly experience international cultures, which had brought globalization
to this planet. Even though some people insist that indigenous cultures could lose
their identity by the globalization, I believe that it also has caused many
beneficial changes in world cultures.
To begin with, I partially agree with the
idea that the cultures and customs of some developed countries could affect
those of other nations. For example, a few decades ago in South Korea, it was
not rare to see that people wearing the Korean traditional clothes called Hanbok while visiting visited their hometown in during Korean Thanksgiving
Days or New Year’s days. However, in these days, people prefer to wear more
convenient Western-style clothing than Hanbok. [Furthermore, they prefer not to would not like
to visit to their hometown in on holidays because the transportation system has
become so much more convenient that they could visit there anytime as well as that they
try to avoid traffic jam.]<(이부분은 조금더 설명을 해주시면 좋을거같아요! 외국 사람들은 왜 한국에선 연휴가 되서야 고향을 방문 하는지 잘 모를수도있습니다.
However, I believe that the globalization
has brought many positive improvements to local cultures. Before the era that mass
communication was developed, many indigenous people were not even aware of that
their customs were unfair or unreasonable. For example, in many countries,
women’s role was usually was very restricted to their household affairs. They could
not make their dream come true (such as?), or even could not have goals in their lives due
to their society’s convention. However, by introducing many cases of socially successful
women of developed countries, they could perceive that females are able to have
occupations and seek achievements in their career.
In summary, even though there exists a risk
that the globalization could affect the disappearance of local cultures,
we should think highly of the positive effects that it has brought to the
contemporary society.
Score:6 Comment: 몇몇 표현이나 디테일이 필요한 부분 그리고 문법 빼고는 잘쓰신거같아요! Example 도 좋으신거같아요. 다만, 조금더 그 예시들은 mass communication and transportation이 어떠한 영향이 있는지 아니면 어떻게 영향을 주는지 써주시면 좋을거같아요. |