▶ Your Answer :
We are living in a the fierce competitive
society; the difficulties when it comes to finding a job have increased constantly.
In this regard, people have divided opinions whether or not universities need
to provide graduates with a wide range of learning and skills required in the
work place later. From my perspective, the knowledge related to students’
future job is significant in contemporary society.
Most of all, a substantial number of
youngsters of today suffer from unemployment as employers are requiring their
applicants’ diverse capabilities or certificates such as computer skills,; being
competent to handle cutting-edge programs, and foreign language skills and so
on. According to research conducted by the Minister of Labour, the students who
were given vocational education by their university are more likely to readily
gain occupations, whereas the higher unemployment rate were witnessed for
graduates studying exclusively their major regardless of required practical
skills in workplace. As the study revealed by, vocational courses provided by a university are considered beneficial to its students.
On top of that, universities should encourage
their students to involve in extracurricular activities such as clubs, voluntary
services, part time jobs as well as lessons and studies. In this way, students
are able to learn not only how to socialize and cooperate with others, but also
responsibility and time-management skills, which are indispensable to be a
member of society. On the personal level, I took part in a foreign internship program
during university whereby I advanced diverse faculties, including English, and communication skills. These experiences have been noticeably helpful to concrete
my ideas and adapt to society. Given above, a variety of activities would offer
appreciable benefits to graduates. <(little of topic. 이러한 내용 보다는 글쓴이의 주장을 support 해주는 내용을 서술해주셔야합니다.) To recapitulate, the purpose of
universities is to make their students well-educated citizens, keeping up with contemporary
society. In order to accommodate the needs of today, a university is required to
serve pragmatic education for its graduates.
Score: 5 Comment: 내용이 조금 off topic 합니다. 질문은 대학교가 해야할 임무가 취직을 위한 교육에 중심을 두어야하는지 아니면 나중에 취직과 상관에 없어도 학생들이 원하는 수업을 해야하는지에 대해 묻고 있습니다. 예를 들어 두 번쨰 문단의 topic sentence는 회사가 요즘에 많은 것을 요구하기 때문에 취직이 어렵다 라기 보다는 취직이 어려운 지금 시대에 학교에서 취직을 위한 knowledge and skills에 focus를 하면 employment에 많이 도움이 된다 라고 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 그리고 그 뒤에 why라는 질문을 서술해주시면 될 것 같습니다. 또한 vocational education는 특별한 직업을 위한 수업이기 때문에 회사가 요구하는 여려 자격증과 언어 능력과는 조금 다르다고 생각합니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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