▶ Your Answer : It is true that people are well-informed about environmental protection these days. Even though people have much more knowledge about this, they do not protect the environment. In my opinion, people decide to ignore participation because there are no rewards if they take part in it. they do not do anything because there is any reward after they participate it. Therefore, the government should can legislate a law.
As for the reason, people do not have any benefits. More specifically, both environmental protectors and non-protectors are either at advantage or disadvantage. no advantages or disadvantages. For example, people use many a lot of disposable products in their daily lives. <Need better coherence> All people are educated in the school that we should use less disposable products ,however, the amount of using them increases or are the same. Therefore, between environmental protectors and non-protectors need to have different benefits .<(마지막 문장이 의미 전달이 안되고 있으며 전체적으로 문단이 크게 persuasive하게 들리지 않습니다. 딱히 advantage, disadvantage, no benefits에 대한 정보를 전달해주시지 않았습니다)
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The government should create some solutions to protect our environment. First, the government should charge more tax on disposable products. If they charge more tax, some people might use less or not use them anymore. Second, the government should establishes a law to preserve the environment. For instance, if people recycle or purchase less environment harmful products dish soap soup, or shampoo, the government can reduce tax for them.
In conclusion, we learn in school that we have to use less disposable products and less chemical products but some people use them a lot because they do not have disadvantages. Thus, the government should establishes a law connected with that.
Score: 4.5 Comment: 주로 글 안에 있는 코멘트나 수정을 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 전체적으로 내용 연결성에 신경을 조금 더 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 조금 informal 하게 들리는 표현도 있으며 글자수가 250미만이여서 reader가 부족하다고 느끼거나 판단을 하면 패널티가 적용이 될 수 있습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |