▶ Your Answer :
The books can enhance reader's imagination
activities, but I prefer a movie which can be easily understand. Novelists could
claim that novels are better than the movies, because these can expand the
readers’ minds by imagination. <내용 연결이 안됩니다. 결론적으로 영화가 더 좋다 라고 하실라면 글쓴이의 의견인 영화가 더 이해하기 쉽다가 이 자리에 와야합니다> Therefore, watching movies is more convenient
than a book because understanding and flexible hours. Due to its understandability, movies are
far better than novels. With the development of visual and sound technological
effects, audiences could understand better the story better. Also, the movie has
revised the with language in the script so that the viewers can easily understand. All
the complex, and sophisticated vocabularies in movies have been removed for making
the movie easy with its meaning <(unclear). This part is especially helpful for viewers as
their vocabulary levels will limit understandability. In contrast, books have
been written in academical or formal styles of writings, which are difficult
for readers to understand. Therefore, movies help people to understand its
story line much easily easier than that of books. (Need better transition/cohesion) Moreover, films provide are providing more flexibility than
books. People view the films when they want to relax with friends or families.
We can watch the movie at any time when we have a free time. In addition to
this, people will develop human relationships by watching films together as
well as sharing ideas. This part cannot be expected from the books. Movies
would only take about a few hours, whereas books can take longer than few hours
to complete reading. Thus, books would take longer hours to finish unlike
movies. Readers would read a book for educational purposes while moviegoers
watch films for the relaxation purposes. Therefore, people prefer to watch a
movie, which are convenient and flexibility in time than books. <(내용 정리가 잘 안되어있습니다. 흐름에 조금 더 신경얼 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다)
In conclusion, even though books will
improve readers' imaginations, movies are easier to follow its story. <내용 연결이 잘 안됩니다> Movies
are easily found in our daily life. Thus, I disagree with the statement. <(what statement?)
Score: 6.5 Comment: 에세이를 쓰실때 주로 organization/연걸성 (cohesion,coherence,transition)/ specificity에 lack 하십니다. 내용 자체는 좋다고 생각합니다. 하지만 이 세 가지가 조금 weak해서 전달력이 조금 떨어집니다. 내용 연결성에 특히 신경을 조금 더 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |