▶ Your Answer :
In the present age, globalization is
playing an increasingly important role in our lives. But in the meantime, whether it is a blessing or a curse has sparked a heated debate. Some people
argue that globalization has a fundamentally beneficial influence on our lives,
while many others contend that it has a detrimental effect as well.
A convincing argument can be made about
globalization not only playing a pivotal role in the development of technology
and economy, but also promoting the cultural exchange between different
countries. To start with, it is the globalization that impelled many corporate to become international groups, thereby making a
contribution to the local technology and employment. Specifically, when a multinational
group establishes a factory in a
developing country, the new equipment, the new management skills and the job
vacancies are all in the best interest of the local society. Moreover, people
worldwide can get to know each other better through globalization. It is easy
to see that more and more Hollywood blockbusters show cultures different from
American, some recent examples are ‘Kungfu Panda’ and ‘The Mummy’. <(coherence에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다)
(Need better transition)
Admittedly, the profit driven side of globalization has severely
affected young people. Today, in the metropolises in different countries, it is
very common to see teenagers wearing NIKE T-shirts and Adidas footwear, playing
Hip-Hop music on Apple iPods and eating at KFC. The culture that took a
thousand years to form just seems similar in these cities; it seems as though
you can only distinguish them by their language.<(little unclear) Meanwhile, in some developing
countries, sweat workshops are always a concerning issue. For instance, reports
show that some teenagers employed by NIKE’s contractors work in smelly
factories over 14 hours a day, but are only paid fifty cents per hour.
To sum up, I would concede that
globalization does come with some adverse effects. Despite that fact, benefits
created by it far outweigh the disadvantages. Overall, I am convinced that we
should further promote globalization and meanwhile the local government should
take measures to combat culture assimilation and sweat workshops.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 서술해주셨습니다. 전체적으로 coherence과 clarity에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |