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The demand for international tourism has increased as travel costs has
become reduced and many countries try to attract visitors to their countries.
However, many people have different views about whether the benefits caused by
the development of tourism industry outweigh disadvantages of it. I believe
that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
It
is true that the investment in tourism brings negative effects on the environment.
To cope with the increasing demand, the government and companies might build a
lot of tourism facilities including hotels and infrastructure to satisfy the
preference of tourists. Therefore, the environment damage must be occurred and
the wildlife habitats might become deplete (habitat 와 deplete 가 완전히 어울리는 단어라고 보기에는 조금 무리가 있어보입니다. 물론, 아예 틀렸다고 할 수도 없어서 저도 따로 고치지는 않았지만요.) over time. In addition, an increase increasing of
wastes discharged from tourism facilities and visitors enable (이 친구의 경우 부정적인 문맥에서 쓰일 수 없습니다.) the government to
rise the expense to dispose it.
However,
the reason why I opine that the increase of tourist might have more benefits
than drawbacks is that the economic effects they provide to the society is so
huge that they offset the disadvantages. The vast development of tourism
industry encourages companies to employ people in construction or service sector
which are essential to maintain the tourism service. Furthermore, it makes
people to earn foreign money. Therefore, it is obvious that the growth of
tourism allows both the government and individuals to increase income which make
them to enjoy the better life.
While
the growth of tourism industry has a negative influence on the environment, I believe
that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages by boosting the economic
development of countries which contributes to wealth of the society.
앞전에 part 1 사진 안보이신다고 하신 문제 수정했습니다. 확인해주세요:)
넵 방금 확인했습니다~
간단히 말씀드리자면, 마지막 문단에서 수치 변화 자체만 적을 경우 글이 상당히 단조로워지며, 단순 나열로 평가받기 때문에 여기에서 탈피할 필요가 생깁니다. 예를 들면, Eating out 은 기간 내에 같은 비율을 유지하지만, holiday 쪽 비율이 감소함에 따라, eating out 이 세 번째로 높은 항목이 되므로, 이 위치 변화를 부가가치로 넣는 것도 하나의 방법이 되는 것이죠. 이에 맞춰 보완해주시면 되겠습니다 :)
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