Many high-level position in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Gender inequality is the most controversial issue in modern society. Some people insist that companies and organizations should allocate a certain percentage of high-level positions to women. I agree with this statement because it is time to break the glass ceiling that many women have been struggling with over the decades.
To begin with, it is commonly believed amongst old generations that men should be the one who can control and manage the society. This old fashioned way of thinking and those social beliefs should be disappeared from the society since this cannot be help young generation to realize that their community has a fair and equal environment.
Moreover, logically speaking men would make irrational decisions more than women and it is proven by some profound study. It is not only men’s fault but also applying for every man in society. However, when the nation makes significant decisions, they definitely need various help based on gender balance. Thus, allocating an even gender ratio when it comes to high level positions It could bring better work satisfaction and results to individuals as well as society both men and women as well as society.
In conclusion, although it is certainly true that many countries are progressing on the gender equity, I personally believe that there are still a majority of women have experienced with gender inequality, and breaking the glass ceiling for women is not only giving them better job opportunities but also of developing society in various ways.
총평: (6/7/7/6) 6.5
사실 영어 실력만 고려했을 때 충분히 6.5보다는 더 받으실 수 있을 겁니다. 실제로 어휘는 매우 깔끔한 축에 속하고, 문법도 자잘한 부분들이 보이긴 하지만 7점대에서는 크게 문제가 없는 수준입니다. 대신 아마 작성하면서 느끼셨겠지만, 내용 자체가 조금 부족한 편이고요. 특히 본론 첫 번째 문단이 보충이 필요한데, 이쪽에 설명을 더 넣어주시면 되겠습니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)