Full-time university students should spend a lot of time studying, but it is essential to be involved in other activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? |
These days, many students who are studying full-time in universities need to invest much time in their learning, and but it is a prerequisite to join other activities at the same time/as well 등등. I personally disagree with this opinion (현상과 의견은 구분해주셔야 합니다.) phenomenon.
Spending time on several activities is not beneficial for university students because they cannot focus on studying their major. To do many activities, the students should invest their time that is usually used for reviewing what they learned into preparing those activities. In many countries, senior year students are very busy because they have to obtain a certificate or gain good results in several competitions for their finding employment as well as gain high GPA scores. Therefore, the students have spent fewer hours to study subjects than they did in the past. As a result, their GPA has been decreasing gradually.
On top of that, students should would spend too much of their stamina too much if they try to not only go through some courses but also do other activities. Studying requires much more energy than people expect, and in this situation, if they should join other programs, they will spend a huge amount of energy on doing both types of works. Accordingly, students' tiredness will increase drastically. Nowadays, many university students take too many courses and do a lot of tasks regardless of what year they are in universities, so they are even suffering from the lack of working out to recover their stamina. In addition, by adding more programs to their plan except for studying, they do not have enough time to sleep anymore, and their health status has been decreasing very quickly.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that taking other activities is not required as students will not have sufficient time to learn something, and also their stamina will be going down due to too much spending their energy on studying and other activities.
총 40분 소요했고 301자입니다.
총평: (7/6/7/7/) 7.0
서론에서 살짝 문제가 있긴 했지만, 그래도 전반적으로는 깔끔하게 적어주셨습니다. 참고로 이 글의 경우 other activity 에 무엇이 있는지를 나열하면서 예시로 사용할 수 있는데, 그걸 고려해보는 것도 괜찮았을 거에요. 수고하셨습니다 :)