▶ Your Answer :The usage of nuclear power provides people with innumerable benefits with a low possibility of danger, which sparks an international controversy. Some people >> 완전하게 써주세요 some만 쓰지 말아주세요 assert that its risk is by far unperceivable that they can neglect it, >> while의 접속사 앞에 콤마를 써주세요 while others contend that, >> due to가 안고있는 문장은 콤마로 나눠주세요 due to its disastrous side effect, which could be caused by the failure of operation is too terrifying to be ignored. This essay will unveil both advantages and disadvantages of nuclear technology.
There is a little room of doubt that the nuclear energy has brought out countless profits in this world and is regarded as a sustainable clean energy, because it rarely requires other resources to produce electricity. To exemplify, coal, oil and gas are limited resources, thus >> thus는 부사라 두 문장을 이어줄 수 없습니다 so를 써주세요 it is going to be depleted in the future. However, in nuclear power case, it spends much less other resources 앞에 나왔던 내용이랑 중복인 듯 싶습니다. Due to the fact mentioned above, the electricity from nuclear power is usually much cheaper than others, which supplies to >> 방향성이 필요합니다 방향을 나타내는 전치사 to를 넣었습니다 developing countries with electricity needed >> needed는 분사로 형용사 역할을 합니다 그러면 명사 앞으로 가 수식해야 합니다 at low costs.
In spite of the merits of its usage, numerous worries toward nuclear power have also aroused with regard to several outbreaks which could lead the world to catastrophes such as Chernobyl and Japan. It is difficult to imagine the consequence following the accident in nuclear powers and the side effect to environment and all life forms in the Earth is exceptionally severe. Chernobyl, for instance, is inaccessible anymore and Japan just now started to conceive the significance of its damages and spend an astronomical amount of a budget. It is quite overwhelming the advantages from nuclear power.
The bottom line is that >> 콤마가 아닌 that을 넣어주세요 , even though its profits are evidently tremendous for the whole demographics, it should not be overlooked that it has also a possibility to fetch unprecedented panic to the Earth. If we deny the fact and just keep taking advantages from that without seeking alternatives, we will >> if 절이므로 조동사가 들어가야합니다 have to embrace the potential disaster until it breaks out. The government should be undeceived of the reality and decrease the reliance on the nuclear power gradually.
전체적으로 글이 깔끔하네요 다만 작은 실수들이 보입니다만 예에 대한 근거 (체르노빌, 일본)가 약한 부족한 감이 있지만 그래도 대표적인 예를 잘 들어주셨습니다 빨간 표시 부분만 주의해주신다면 훨씬 좋은 글이 나올 듯 싶습니다
Task Achievement - 7 Coherence and Cohesion - 7 Lexical Resource - 7 Grammartical Range and Accuracy - 6
7.0 예상합니다 |