▶ Your Answer : The prevalence of being interested in outward appearance is sure to have
far-reaching effects on society. From this aspect, a contentious 사람에 어울리는 형용사로 controversial이 더 적절하다 판단됩니다 question is raised whether the young concern about their looks more than before or not. In this essay, pros>> 쓴다면 advantages 가 더 좋겠습니다 will be addressed as follows.>> 장점 단점 등이 아닌 동의를 하냐 안 하냐의 차이이므로 pros나 advantages가 아닌 agree disagree로 써주세요
The wide spread of communation tools have certain effects. With the era of the state of the are
technology, a variety of mass media has influenced on young aged citizens because, due to which,>> because가 있어서 굳이 필요없는 내용입니다 they are likely to imitate the popularity's fashion style and, thanks to the commonplace of >>좋은 표현이지만 여기선 굳이 필요없고 the commonplace Internet sites 정도면 괜찮겠네요 the Internet, easy to enjoy easily online shopping. Also Also So And But Or 다섯가지는 문두에 쓰지 않습니다, a high number of magazines contain how to adorn their outdoor
appearance well. Therefore, a great deal of mass media let young people more care about their looks
than before.
The business culture also has occured a strange phenomenone. Considering the fact that people in
modern days live in fiercely competitive society, lots of people who prepare to grasp a job opportunity
think regarding of their physical looks whether they can appeal positive images and remain noticeable
memory or not. This is because, with the diffusion of lookism, a multitude of corporations take account of applicant's outward appearance as well as remarkable abilities to perform tasks in practical fields. This
means is that handsome men or pretty women already have additional charm to compete with other rivals when they seek for a workplace. Unlikely, in the past, many of companies which preparing to hire new
employees are affected by business culture based on lookism.>> 몇년도에 어떤 종류의 회사들 등 정보를 제공하는 것이 좋습니다 막연한 정보는 좋지 않습니다
In a nutshell, concerning about one's appearance could be one of the human being's instinctual actions >> one of the (최상급) 복수명사 기억해주세요. However, the population's emerging behaviour is mainly affected by spread of mass media containing accessible characters and an immense blow of business culture involving high priority of the appearance.
단어들의 사용은 좋았지만 스펠링 오류들이 보였습니다 대체로 문법은 괜찮았고 내용들도 좋았습니다 다만 서론에서 방향제시나 주장을 명확히 해주세요 결론도 본인의 주장을 정리해주는 곳이므로 항상 신경써서 잘 써주시길 바랍니다
Task Achievement - 7 Coherence and Cohesion -7 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6 6.5 예상합니다 |