In general, it is ambiguous to describe what is real pleasure in our lives. The reason why it is so hard to say is because happiness can be defined differently depending on a subjective criteria of every single individual. Therefore, elements needed for accomplishing a gratifying life are variable too. This essay will discuss about how we can make our lives to be filled with pleasure.
Firstly, because everyone’s own standard is different, each person should set up his life goals. For example, it can be a life with a full of fame, and it also can be a life of giving bliss to other people. Once people decide which life they want to live, they should follow their settled ways in order to achieve those goals.
Secondly, if people are not satisfied with what they once aimed before, it is important to change their minds into a positive way. One of the reasons why every each person does not feel satisfaction about his life is because of his greedy mind. Although proper desire is definitely required in order to make some achievement, excessive greed does not allow people to feel enough satisfaction. There is a report about which country is the happiest one. The report says that no matter how rich the country is, happiness comes from individuals’ positive attitude. Being thankful for every given moment is the best way to live a life being filled with pleasure and bliss.
In short, it is difficult to say what is real happiness, because everyone’s standard is different, and it depends on one's attitude on own life.<(not discussed in the body) Setting up life goals helps people to accomplish their happiness, but it is more important to have a good mind and thank for everything given in their lives.
Score: 6.5
Comment: 내용은 좋은데 질문을 답해주는 형식으로 서술이 되어 있지 않습니다. 글쓴이는 how can one be happy 라는 질문을 답해주는 것 같습니다. 에세이 질문은 어떤 것들이 사람을 행복하게 만들 수 있나요 라고 물어 보고 있습니다. 그렇기 때문에 그 factors를 말해주시면 됩니다. 글쓴이의 경우는 positive attitude and being thankful 이지만 factors can vary depending on the individual인것 같습니다. 또한 goals가 있는게 어떻게 happiness가 연결이 되어 있는지 elaborate해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 전체적으로 글/내용 정리를 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.