Some people believe the purpose of education is to prepare people to be useful members of society. Others say that the purpose of education is to achieve personal ambitions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is true that all people have everyone receives education
because it is compulsory to do so get education. There are some people arguing that
the reason of having education is to be a useful member of society. However,
other people claim that putting through personal ambitions is the main purpose
of education.
On the one hand, it is said that community needs people to
work, which is the reason why having education is compulsory. If community does
not need humans to work, there is doubt that why getting education the purpose of education would be doubtful is mandatory
since making people receive education costs a lot. It is not only a part of
investment but also benefit for people. What I mean is that, by having education,
people can study and learn skills, which leads to them to earn money. By
earning money, they can live and have a family. Therefore, the crucial purpose
of education is to make people prepared to be beneficial members of society.
On the other hand, there are some people claiming
that the main purpose of education is to achieve ambitions personally. To be
precise, since there are numerous things that people want during their life,
people receive education. For example, people want to have useful skills or to
have a job that they want to be, so they go to school. There are definite
personal reasons why people get education. For this reason, people have
education to achieve their goals. (이 두 문장은 앞에서 했던 말을 거의 비슷하게 말하는 거라 크게 의미는 없습니다. 물론 5.0 넘기는데에는 지장은 없지만요.)
In conclusion, as stated above, both views
have strong points. However, it seems that people have education for putting
through their goals. Thus, I believe that getting education is for achieving personal
ambitions.
초록색은 제가 워드에서 복사해온건데 수정이 안돼서 못 바꿨습니다 양해 부탁드립니다! ㅜㅜ
총평: (5/5/5/6) 5.5
이번 글의 경우 조금 아슬아슬할 수 있습니다. 이 글 자체로는 5.0은 무조건 넘기지만, task1과 결합했을 때에는 4점대로 떨어질 가능성이 0.1% 정도는 보이네요. (그래도 5.0을 넘길 확률은 99.9%입니다.)
비슷한 표현들, 비슷한 내용들이 꽤나 잦은 반복을 보이고 있기 때문에 이에 대한 대체가 필요합니다. 가령 receive education은 상황에 따라 go to school 혹은 이와 유사한 내용으로 채울 수 있으니까 적절히 조절해주세요~
수고하셨습니다 :)