▶ Your Answer :
The table provides the changes in the
percentage of market share for the notebook computers by divided by the brand maker’s name from
2006 to 2007.
It is immediately apparent that in 2006 the
most popular notebook maker was HP. The demand for HP notebook started from
31.4% by a slight increase of 34% in 2007. The striking feature of the
information is the proportions of Fujitsu-Siemens in the notebook computer market. The
percentage of market share by Fujitsu declined more than half during 2006-2007. <(need figures)
In 2006, other computer manufacturers companies were the second rank
among rivals, but
Dell ranked the second highest percentage at about
20.2% in 2007
Furthermore, others computer manufacturers' dropped the market share dropped from 22.8% to 19.3% during the years. Apart from major companies, Lenovo, Toshiba
and Acer did not have a had not big difference between 2006 and 2007.
In conclusion, there was not remarkable increase
among the two main
notebook computer makers such as HP, and Dell,
whereas there was a significant fall in the market share of by Fujitsu-Siemens.
Score: 6 Comment: 단어 선택이랑 동사 어순을 조심히 봐주시고 꼭 proofreading를 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 영어로는 노트북이라고 하면 컴퓨터 라는 개념이 없습니다. 그렇기 때문에 꼭 computer라고 notebook뒤에 붙여 주셔야합니다.
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