▶ Your Answer :
The roads in cities are filled with lots of cars every morning and evening, because most people use private vehicles for their commuting. Although car maintenance is expensive, many workers prefer private cars to public transportation as it is more comfortable. Based on this fact, I believe that increasing the price of fuel is not the effective solution to prevent traffic and pollution problems.
Nowadays, the public transportation fare is not cheap anymore as increasing the petrol's cost. Of course, people do not want to use a bus or subway with high cost and it is not comfortable, especially in rush hours. When the public transportation fee fare >> fee는 전문적인 서비스에 대한 수업료나 수수료 등을 일컫습니다 fare가 우리가 아는 대중교통들의 요금이죠 is right>> 더 확실하게 reasonable 이 좋을 듯 싶네요, people will consider to take mass transit. If we can deal with a business and a task at home, we do not have to go to work every day. As a matter of the fact, it is not an unrealistic story as the development of an Internet technology. For example, Google, which is one of the most famous companies in the world, encourages working from home to their employees their employees to work at home >> encourage 목적어 to 부정사의 형태입니다.
Some others >> some만 쓰지 말아주세요 who have a skeptical opinion about telecommuting work could say that it can reduce opportunities of social contact if people do not leave their home. They also said it could bring not only an isolation from society ,but also psychological problems.
However, while workers handle their task from home, they can complete it earlier than working at the office because they do not spend their time for on>> spend 시간,돈,노력 on 의 형태입니다 chatting or meeting other colleagues>> other 복수명사 기억해주세요. It means they could have more free time. People can maintain their social and private relationships with their extra leisure time.
In conclusion, I think increasing the petrol's cost is not helpful for traffic and pollution problems. Besides, it can bring about the rising other tax burdens such as heating expense and electricity charge. Therefore, to resolve those problems, governments should choose an appropriate fee >> charge for public transmit vehicles, and companies draw up a measure to encourage workers to process thier assignments at home with the level that it is does not affect the companies' benefits.
보시면 서론은 굉장히 좋았습니다 읽으면서 서론 부분에서 7.0 이상 받겠다 싶었지만 본론에서 오프토픽으로 빠져버렸습니다
문제는 동의하냐 안 하냐의 문제이며 어떤 방법이 좋을 것이냐라고 했지만
petrol의 가격을 높이는 것에 대한 부정적인 견해를 제시한 다음 해결법을 제시하거나
긍정적인 견해와 더불어 다른 차원의 방식도 좋을 것이다라는 식의 글로 구성되어야 합니다 재택근무 위주의 글로 구성된 점에서 감점이 있었습니다
Task Achievement - 5
Coherence and Cohesion - 6
Lexical Resource - 7
Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
6.0 예상합니다 |