▶ Your Answer : The given pie chart illustrates the comparison of a proportions of males and females who received adult education in 1970/71, 1980/81 and 1990/91. >> 여기까지가 서론으로 적절합니다
Overall, while the number of men taking the full-time course decreased and part-time male students increased, both full-time and part-time female pupils rose during the research period. To begin with, studying full-time studying male students per thousand was at 1,000 in the first year and fell sharply by 150 in next 10 years then the trend recovered and reached at around 900 in the last year. However, in terms of the part-time course, male students started at roughly 100 in 1970/71, steadily ascending steadily and doubled the number of figures occurred in 1990/91. In contrast, there was a least number in full-time female students per thousands with just under 750 in the first year of research period. Subsequently, the figure grew substantially and reached the peak at over 1,100 in next constant 20 years. In addition, soaring can be seen in women part-time students from just under 80 to just over 200 over the period.
In conclusion, even though the figures of both full time and part time male students were more than female`s, of female full time pupils overtook and maintained the same level with part time male students.
글은 좋았지만 문법 실수가 꽤 있네요 한 문장 당 하나는 꼭 있는 듯 싶네요
또한 비교가 없습니다 1970/1971 에 여자느 어땠는데 남자는 어땠다 하는 식의 직접적인 비교가
꼭 들어가야 합니다
Task Achievement - 5
Coherence and Cohesion - 7
Lexical Resource - 7
Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
6.0 예상합니다 |