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The chart below provides information on average distance in miles travelling per person per year by modes of travels in England for 1985 and 2000. >> 서론을 다시 작성해보시기 바랍니다 평균 거리를 말하는 문제가 아니라 방향 제시가 잘못됐습니다
First of all, in 1985, the most popular mode of travel was commuted by 3,199 of car at about just under 3200. In the second place, 429 of local buses were used for the average distance commuting. Modes of Walking and taking a train were travelled follow the former ones with by 255 and 289 respectively. The remained ways were modes of bicycle, long distance bus and taxi were with minimal under 100.
The periods >> period는 복수형을 붙이지 않습니다 from 1985 to 2000, there is a noticeable that the mode of car was>> 사실 이 부분은 수동, 능동 모두 가능합니다 자동차 그 비율 자체가 증가했다는 시선으론 능동 사람들에 의해 자동차 통근 비율이 증가한건 수동이 되는 셈이죠 increased dramatically by 4,806 per person per year, and also mode that of train grew to 366. However, the remainders of mode travel were decreased or minimal around 280. All modes were risen by from 4,740 of total in 1985 to 6,475 of total that in 2000.
In conclusion, the amount of modes of car were used by per person per year between 1985 and 2000. According to the chart, scores of people prefer to travel by car
결론은 종결을 잘 지어주셨습니다 하지만 per person per year란 말이 많네요 annually 라는 단어를 써서 표현하는 것도 좋다고 생각됩니다 위에 빨간 부분들 잘 봐주시고 아직 단어의 중복이 너무 많습니다 다양하게 해주세요
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
5.0 예상합니다 |