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Nowadays, job satisfaction becomes more important to an individual’s life, as people usually spend most of time in their workplaces. Although it is very difficult to define what makes people satisfied at work, there are mainly three factors which are commonly admitted by workers.
The First thing is money. It is one of the fundamental reasons why we work. The logic is simple: if we earn more money, we can do more things and the quality of life may will be improved. Generally, >> 문두 부사 뒤에 콤마입니다 the more the better, but it has a limitation since we cannot spend thousands of dollars in a day.>> 지워드린 부분 문법도 맞지 않습니다 또한 3인칭적인 관점에서 써야 합니다 we 대신 people 등으로 받아주세요
The second thing is aptitude. It is also a main factor of job satisfaction. When we do what we like, we feel happy and encouraged. Although it is hard to measure one’s aptitude for their job, it certainly exists.
The last thing is the environment of workplace. Workplace is not just a place for work. Instead, it is a small society which consists of several individuals who live in different regions. As each country has endemic cultures, every workplace has different cultures. It is important of no doubt for an individual because adapting to different circumstances is very stressful.
As these factors cannot be measured exactly and not all things are included, it cannot be said to be perfect. For example, there can be someone who considers the ratio of men and women first. >> for example은 본론에서 쓰는 말입니다 결론에선 쓰지 않습니다 However, despite of this, it is generally realistic in the point of statistics. We cannot investigate all the things that make your job satisfactory, but from survey there would be a tendency. If the number of samples is enough, it will give a meaningful result. >> 쓰신 글들 중 가장 본문처럼 쓰였습니다 본문에는 주장이 들어가고 주장에 대한 설명과 더불어 예시가 들어가는게 좋습니다 그렇지만 위에 세개의 본론은 들어가지가 않았습니다
직업 만족도에 영향을 주는건 돈이 아닙니다 높은 급여 이런게 직업 만족도에 영향을 줄 수 있다고 볼 수 있는 것이죠 또한 문단은 총 4개가 적합합니다 그치만 부족한 본론들도 3단락이나 내주셨습니다 시작도 The ~~ thing is 의 꼴로 시작했구요 본론을 시작하는 말은 너무나도 많습니다 그치만 하나의 구조를 썼단 것에 문장 구조의 다양성 부분에서 감점을 받습니다 또한 직업 만족도는 얼마나 현실적인가요? 그에 대한 답이 명확히 드러나지 않았습니다
Task Achievement - 4 Coherence and Cohesion - 4 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
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