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There are different views about learning foreign language for kids at primary school. Some people argue that it would be helpful to improve children's foreign language skill, while others are against the opinion.>> 이 부분을 읽고 나면 원어민은 이렇게 생각할겁니다 so what's your opinion ? 즉 본인의 의견이 나타나지 않았습니다
On the one hand >> 어떤 다른 의견이 나오고 말하는게 아니므로 on one hand 보단 To begin with, 혹은 First, First of all, Firstly 등이 좋겠습니다, teaching chidren how to speak a foreign language earlier at pirmary school has several positive aspects>> 이 부분은 서론에 나와서 본인의 의견을 뒷받침 하는 식으로 나와야 합니다 서론에서 나는 어떠어떠한 긍정적인 영향이 있어서 찬성한다 그리고나서 본론에는 그 어떠어떠한 긍정적인 영향에 관련된 두가지 주장을 각 본론에 구성하는 것입니다 뒤에 Firstly 가 나오는 것을 보니 뒤부터 주장이 시작되네요 앞에 내용들은 모두 날려주시고 서론에다 맞게 끼워 넣어주세요. Firstly, children can learn speaking a foreign language very effectively, so they would understand fast and speak pretty fluently>> children can learn effectively a foreign language as more as they are younger. It is true that an ability of language is encouraged when children start to learn language within 14 years old. Secondly, at primary school, young kids are allowed to more concentrate on foreign language rather than any other subjects, which mean that students at secondary school might devote to other more important subjects such as science, mathematics and other fields. >> 한 본문에는 하나의 주장만 들어가야 합니다 secondly 자체가 두 번째 주장을 나타내는 부사입니다
On the other hand, there is the opinion against foreign-language education for children at primary school. Some people argue that children should be definitely perfect in speaking mother language tongue first. If they are clumsy in their own mother language when it comes to speaking and writing, using bi-lingual being bilingual people would may >> if 절 동사가 현재면 주절 조동사도 현재가 옵니다 have a bad effect on them. It means that children could be confused with two different types of languages. Moreover >> 한 단어입니다, picking up two different types of languages could cause a negative effect on building their identity, >> because 앞뒤엔 전치사나 수식 절이 들어가지 않는 이상 콤마가 붙지 않습니다 because, in the process of learning them, they are forced to be exposed to each two types of culture.
Overall, acquiring how to speak a foreign language at primary school would be more effective to master it than doing learning at secondary school. It is because kids can easily and fast be easily and fast familiar with foreign language. >> 문제는 초등과 중등교육 중 언제 배우는게 좋겠나요? 이건데 답은 외국어를말하는 법을 배우는걸 어릴 때 배우는 것은 좋다라는 식으로 본문에 포커스가 맞춰져 있습니다 어떤 비교가 없습니다 그리고 primary secondary 둘 다 children입니다 그러니 어떤 확실한 비교가 필요합니다
우선 각 문단의 첫 줄 맨 앞은 띄어쓰기가 필요합니다 이행하지 않으셔서 감점이 예상됩니다
서론에서 글쓴 분의 주장이 나타나지 않고 그에 따라 어떤 부분을 지지하는지 본문에도 직접적인 비교가 없어 알지 못하겠습니다 스펠링 오류들도 잘 체크해보시구요 위에 지적한 부분들 살펴보시길 바랍니다
Task Achievement - 5 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy -6
5.5 예상합니다 |