▶ Your Answer : Nowadays,
there are a lot many of media to obtain up-to-date news, such as the radio, TV and the
internet. Among those, I prefer the internet rather than others. In this essay, I would
like to focus on the advantage of the internet.<조금 더 media 대해서 설명해주시면 좋을거같요) Some
people, especially the old generation, tend to keep their life style.<(irrelevant. 주 토픽이랑 연관성이 없고 이 단락의 토픽 문장으로선 부족합니다) They are still watching TV television and reading newspapers a paper to know
what things are is going on in the world. On the other hand, since the internet has
become convenient and simple in terms of speeds, and accesses and websites, the
phenomenon of using internet is common across the world. A wider range of
internet access allows us to gain all information including news. I have,
personally, searched on the internet, which can to get news and a huge amount of
information in the most of my daily life. Although I used to utilize the TV, and
radio and read the newspaper (신문을 utilize할수는 없어요) before and after my work, I have do not used them anymore. Instead of using it, I found out that a laptop was possible to cover the TV, radio and
other media as long as I can access the internet. In addition, the laptop is so
light that it is easy to carry with me at anywhere.<(sounds like an advertisement)
Furthermore, a smart
phone is an alternative method to reach to the internet too, and it is smaller than a laptop. There is are no complications problem when it comes to speed, because the operating system for smart phones such as Microsoft has been used is the same with a laptop's one. The screen of smartphone has been getting bigger than before,
which means that users have convenience with big screen.<irrelevant!
In
conclusion, some people are willing to use TV the television, radio and newspaper to obtain recent
news, because they are so used to it that they and do not want to change their one of
the life styles. However, I believe that internet is the most useful way to get
updated news by using laptops or smartphones, because it is easily accessible I can access easily it
almost everywhere in the world.
Score: 5 Comment: 에세이 중심이 자꾸 media 보다는 기기로 가고있어요. off-topic은 위험합니다. 질문을 읽으시면서 에세이를 쓰시면 도움이 되실거에요. Informal 한 표현들이 아직 있습니다. a lot of 이나 TV 같은 표현들은 피하시는게 좋아요. 기본적으로 문법 들이 아직고 많이 틀리시고 계세요. |