▶ Your Answer :With
increased importance of education, some people say the education in school
is significant for kids to become a good member of society, while others argue that
education from parents should be given a more weight. My opinion of this unfolded
issue is that the roles of parents and school are equally important for the education
of children. I would like to focus on both sides and express my view in this
issue.
First
of all, when it comes to school, it is a major education organization to systematically
teach youngsters in order to contribute to a society. School allows them to learn
not only a knowledge, which is indispensable for daily living, but also
appropriated behaviors depending on a variety of places such as schools, restaurants
and the home. Besides Moreover, most experts have recognized the importance of education,
so that they have made an effort to hire well – trained instructors.
However,
the impact of parents’ role should not be overlooked, because young children spend most of their time with their parents prior to nursery. who prior to go to nursery have spent on much time with their parents. They tend
to mimic their parents behaviors and the way of conversations. In other words, children
without parents are prone to show misbehavior due to a result of the lack of
the role models. Thus, parents should instruct adequate manners and responsibilities.
To
sum up, children spend on most of their time at school as well as at home. Thus, I believe that schools and parents each have to play their roles to teach children how to be good members of
society.
Score: 5.5 Comment: 잘 쓰신거 같아요. 대신 설명을 좀 해주시면 더 좋을거같아요. Too much detailed 도 안좋지만 well trained instructor가 어떤 영향이있는데 아니며는 학교에서 교육을 받는게 어떻게 사회에 나갈때 영향이 있는지 조금더 설명해주시면 좋을거같아요. 기본적으로 문법 조심해주세요! |